Reply to Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant

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Reply to "Help Needed for 12 YO - Out of Control/Defiant"

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[quote=Anonymous]This sounds like typical hormone induced (perhaps a bit extreme) acting out from an otherwise well adjusted 12 year old that has turned into a power struggle. You can't win by punishing him or forcing him; the power war will just escalate further. What you can do is try to defuse his "rants." When he calls you a bitch, try to respond like you would to a pesky sibling. "OK, this bitch just sent you to your cage. You can come out when you choose to be human again. The bark!" If he laughs, you've won a round. If he comes out in five minutes and apologizes, you're on your way back. Defusing behavior with humor often works with kids this age and can quickly deter them from a self-destructive track. Think about how you treated a tantruming three year old, often by distracting them, then moving on without repercussions. Same concept.
By the way, it's not mental illness if he can maintain socially positive behavior with everyone but you, its normal adolescent "cutting apron strings" behavior gone wild. Try to defuse it.
A camping or skiing, snorkel or scuba trip, even if it means a few days out of school, might help get you back on track.
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