Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think ODD pops up at age 12.

Not OP- I mentioned ODD and I'm curious if there were earlier signs of it-- I would be concerned if he was a typical kid, then suddenly became aggressive and immune to consequences. ODD is usually symptomatic of something else-- I didn't see where OP mentioned ADHD or another diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:You mention in your post that this behavior has been going on for about a year now so it sounds like his behavior started about the 5- 6th grade? [/b]It seems he has learned that he can vent at home rather than at school where the consequences are greater. He seems to be taking his anger out with safe people, i.e. his parents or punishing/ blaming you for something that has happened to him in the past unbeknownst to you The sexual acting out might indicate that. He certainly doesn’t follow the pattern of the usual downhill decline when behavior problems escalate to the degree you describe as he is still maintaining at school.[/b]
I would start with a physical to rule out any hormone imbalance and then seek a thorough psychological/psychiatric evaluation to rule out any mental illness such as pediatric bipolar disorder and to create a social history of what stresses have taken place in his life and family in the last few years. You may need to consult the clinical psychologist or psychiatrist beforehand to develop a plan as to how he will be seen since he is reluctant to go to counseling. The behavior you are describing in my opinion is beyond just family counseling. The sooner you get his behaviors under control the better and safer it will be for both your son and your family. Depending upon where you live you may be able to access County mental health which would be less expensive. I would call different agencies including the School Psychologist at his Middle School and the School District office to get referrals that they know are competent. You will need to be your child’s advocate in all of this and as his parents will need support as well to go through this tough time. Would love to hear his progress. Hugs to you and prayers for wisdom and perseverance in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think ODD pops up at age 12.

Anonymous wrote:Little background on our situation.

12 YO DS (13 in a few weeks) has become extremely difficult to deal with the past year or so. He is defiant to both parents (no to everything, f**k you, bi**H, etc.). He has also become violent at times by destroying property (iphone, xbox, ripped screens from house, etc). He has also been looking at pron on the computer (a lot-possible addiction), asking girls to send him nude pics, and stealing our credit card to order things on line. Police have been called to the house twice (non-emergency number). He now refuses to go to CCD, has quit soccer, and lately refusing to go to some basketball (which we thought he loved). We do not suspect any alcohol or drugs.

He does not display any of these traits either at school, with friends or any coaches of his teams. He is well liked by everyone and has many friends and makes friends easily. Other parents always comment how nice and courteous he is when they interact with him. We discussed with his school counselor and received some feedback that he was talkative in class but never to the point of being disruptive. Never any incidents from the school with other students. He has managed to maintain decent grades (A's and B's).

We have taken nearly everything away from him - no phone, limited access to computer (only homework and supervised), no tv, etc.

We started having him see a psychologist at the end of last school year and continued for most of the summer. It turned out she was not very effective and was a complete waste of time. We moved him to a male psychologist at the start of this school year. He has been to him 3 times and refused to go 2 times. The psychologist has not had enough time with to make a diagnosis but is perplexed by the behavior not showing itself anywhere except at home with parents and not even with sister. He claims he doesn't need any help and that we do. We offered him group sessions with all of his, which he also refused to attend.

Things have been escalating with each incident and we fear he is a ticking time bomb. He is now refusing to go to counseling. We are really at a loss on how to handle getting him the help that we think he needs. It is really tearing our family apart.

Any insight on how to handle?

Anonymous wrote:I don't see pathology here. Yes, I see an out of control, defiant, extraordinarily difficult to deal with 12 year old, but this is a classic example of "stormy adolescence" come on full blast. Doesn't sound like ODD, sexual trauma, bullying, or the other theories. Sounds like an adolescent who is under the full blast of testosterone and totally testing his limits. Family therapy and possibly boarding school.