Reply to When did divorces start happening in your circle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We've actually had no divorces in our group of ten couples. No one rushed into marriage and we all got married after completing our graduate education.  Interestingly,[b] we all had parents that never divorced.[/b] [/quote]

I've read that if your parents divorced, you have a higher chance of divorce in your own marriage.  Not sure if that claim still stands. [/quote]

I'm not sure but I think it does still stand; I think the explanation I heard is like this:

- if your parent's stayed married, it's likely because they had good emotional intelligence, and were attracted to others like themselves.
- they modelled a healthy relationship for you as a child.
- you were drawn to people like your parents (most of us are) so you are drawn to emotionally intelligent and healthy people - you are repelled from unhealthy people.
- you know how to have a healthy relationship because it's what you grew up watching

This is a positive feedback loop.  For people with FOOs with divorce, the same "positive feedback" loop exists, except it's pointing in the wrong direction.

Divorce is an effect, not a cause.[/quote]

My inlaws divorced when my DH was 10 and it was apparently very ugly, drawn out, bitter and horrible for him and his siblings.  My inlaws still fight and drag my DH and my SILs and BIL into family arguments 30 years later.  My DH seems to be traumatized by the divorce and is super committed to our marriage, it's like he takes a complete opposite point of view on marriage than his parents did, and especially more since we had children.  He works on issues and doesn't quit when things get tough.  And for me my parents are married 51 years, so I never knew what a divorce life was like and it never seemed like an option, unless things got awful (abuse). [/quote]

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