Reply to If you married, the wrong person, what were the signs that you missed?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Things I will heed next time:

He talks about his mother as if she's a saint/martyr and can do no wrong, and says he never had and has no negative feelings at all about things that happened with her in the past. Anyone who can't see loved ones for who they are, and who can't acknowledge negatives is dangerous.

In realtiy this kind of guy was made to bend and push down all normal negative feelings, and has the kind of mother who will make your lives hell.

His suppressed negative emotions will have a tendency to find their way to the surface like repulsive worms, in ways and at times you'd least expect it.

Another thing I will watch out for is someone who can't regulate emotions in a healthy way--like, he blows up over nothing, takes out his stresses and angers on others, and can't have a normal discussion without getting so worked up he has to shut it down or yell. A lot of times they're good at hiding that they do this, and people who don't live with them have no idea.

Another thing I'd watch out for is whether they truly feel empathy or are they just fairly good at faking it. Do they look out for what's best for you, or do they push their needs over yours? Are they surprisingly tolerant of bad behavior in others, like, it doesn't even bother them and they don't seem to realize that people get hurt? Watch out. They probably operate with a whole different moral compass than you do.

[b]Another thing I would note: Are they very susceptible to flattery? Watch out for people with a weak sense of self. They can't have your back. They don't even have their own, and will be prone to cheating.[/b]

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My DH until I called him out on it (when he was going on flirty lunches with out GF's and sending flirty emails to old GF's). What is that about?! 
Did not make me feel good. He stopped - but I never understood the why. Why set up a life together to do that? Any little bit of flattery and he was 'in'.
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