Reply to found out my mom lied about her past

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the middle-aged PP. Not really interested in providing too many details but I'll provide one. My grandparents weren't married. One set were single and the other set called themselves married, lived their whole lives together but never got the piece of paper (basically common-law but it wasn't recognized in their country). So my parents were ashamed of being "illegitimate" and hid that/ lied about it. [/quote]

Even as recently as 30 years ago in this country, people were often made to feel intense shame about being illegitimate. It's not surprising at all that they wanted to keep that fact hidden. I wouldn't hold it against them. [/quote]

I agree with you. That's why I said I don't think my parents were narcissistic; I think they were ashamed and didn't want that for their kids. I don't know all the lies. I have stumbled upon a few and the big ones are all like this or thing that are none of my or my siblings' business. But there were also a lot of little things they 'protected' us from-- we weren't told of a cousin who was born from a relative's affair, they would wait to tell us about people who died or got seriously ill if it was near exam time because they didn't want us to do badly on tests. In short, my parents white-washed a lot of stuff for us and, when I went off to college, I was naive and not very good at handling things. To this day, I have a hard time trusting my gut and sometimes trust some people too much and don't trust people who can be trusted. So whether it's intentional or not, it has consequences. [/quote]

PP here. I can appreciate what you're saying but will add that it seems they loved you, and their intentions were good and a consequence of how life was at that time. I have a younger friend whose sister died as a young teen. Basically, her parents tried to carry on with life and focus on their surviving daughter. No one in the family had any counseling to work through their grief. My friend was very resentful for a long time came to realize that it's what was expected 30 - 40 years ago.[/quote]

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