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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in this same bad place, except it's DW who feels that way.  We never had fireworks, but the sex has gotten to near-non-existent (early June was the last time).  DW was always on the "curvy" side and now, post-baby, has really never gotten off the pregnancy weight.  I don't actually mind but she was already shy and self-conscious and now is super self-conscious to the point of not really wanting to have sex.  DW wasn't as experienced or "skilled" but that never bothered me - mostly vanilla missionary is fine - but I am unhappy that my attempts to initiate are met more with sex-negativity than just declining - that smacks of avoidance.  [/quote]

This sounds familiar. On top of the stuff you describe, the room kept getting darker and darker when we had sex. There kept being more rules about when we could do it. Her shirt came off less and less. She needed a 20 minute massage before we could get on to sexier kinds of foreplay. Once we got going, she would generally do what I suggested, but took less and less initiative. Ugh. [/quote]

huh, maybe if you took joy in what turns her on instead of saying "ugh" about it, you'd have a better sex life. and yuck, your barometer of good sex is that she "generally does what you suggested"? frankly you sound like a jerk and a bad lay. [/quote]

My barometer of good sex isn't her doing what I suggest. I want her to take some initiative & show some creativity. I feel like I make all the effort to turn her on, and she makes no effort to reciprocate. My "ugh" comes from the feeling of a one-way street. It's like having an improv partner who used to respond and add to any premise you threw out but now, years later, either stands mute when you say something or tells you that your premise is stupid and asks you to read from a script that's a monologue. I used to have a partner, now I have an audience. [/quote]

I'm the PP you originally responded to, and I very much like this analogy/metaphor.

Yes, the truth is: I'd almost really rather masturbate than have duty sex - duty sex is basically masturbation, and there's something pathetic about it. I'm pushing 50 so my libido isn't what it once was (ready to go for anyone, anytime), and i'm not interested in constantly begging/wheedling from someone who isn't interested.  [/quote]

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