Reply to I don't love my husband and don't think I ever did

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have two children together. The youngest is 4 months. I do not feel like I love my husband anymore. Not sure if I ever did. We had happy moments but nothing that swept me off of my feet. We married, had children, have stable jobs, and blah blah blah. We did what we were supposed to do. However, something is missing. There is no spark. There is no flame. What do I do if there was never a flame? I rather spend time with the kids than with him. Do not get me wrong though... He is a good guy. Not mean, a good provider, and all that good stuff. What am I missing that I desire? I have no post partum depression. I love my kids, enjoy going out, being with co workers.... It's just him. I'm angry at myself for not loving him like I should when he has done nothing. We are highly sexual people and have sex all of the time so that is not it. Advice?[/quote]
This is me.

We NEVER had that spark but he is a great guy who treats me so well. I have never wanted to jump his bones. Its not his fault. He is perfect. 
[/quote]

If someone else wanted to jump his bones, would that spark your desire? Just curious.[/quote]

hmm actually yes[/quote]

NP. What you are going through is classic. Marriage, in general, neuters men. There is no more tension and uncertainty all of the things that make women feel "connection." "Connection" by the way is ridiculously transient. It is not a fixed thing about a particular person. You probably DID feeling some with your DH earlier on but now that you don't feel it can't even remember it to begin with.

Another way to bring on this feeling is to do exciting things together - things that get your heart rate up like going to a shooting range or paragliding or other such things. There is research on this. Your body misconstrues the excitement/nervousness as the feelings of infatuation. Also it will bring about your attraction and interest to see your DH tackling something new.

DO NOT convince yourself that you married the wrong man over this hooey, please for the love of god. It is a disaster that can be avoided with a little more understanding about how attraction works, how transient it is, and how to recreate some of it to keep you satisfied. [/quote]

Um, no. Not really. But nice try.[/quote]

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