Reply to DH and I both lost parents recently - feeling like we are in a "grief contest"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry for your loss OP.  Death and grief are very trying on one's soul.

I know it must be terribly hard to deal with two passings so close to one another.  From an outside perspective, it does not seem unreasonable at all to go through the little bit of trouble to make sure the viewing is in a different room.  Being in the same room, looking at a casket in the same place as a recently (or even not too recently) lost loved one can really trigger much more emotional hurt.  I would have automatically asked that it not be in the same room.  I understand the other room was booked but it's really not that hard for the funeral home manager to try to make the switch given the circumstances.

As far as the FIL that broke down.  I'm a private griever.  I don't ever cry in front of anyone, but that is not necessarily a strength of mine, I consider it more of a weakness. Your FIL just lost his wife and mother of his children and going back to the place where he said his last goodbye a few months ago could certainly bring him down to his knees.

I'm not saying it was okay for him to break down like that at your father's funeral, but grief is grief.  Instead of being upset that he was grieving his wife instead of your father, why not just understand that you both share that common feeling of loss and grieve together not worrying about whose grieving for who?

You are channeling your grief as anger and it won't help you or anyone close to you to continue.

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