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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is my thought - but take this with a grain of salt since I am a high libido male in a sex starved marriage with a low libido wife:

Did you have a l[b]ong dry spell when the kids were little, where he used to try and initiate and you rejected him[/b]?  Because that happened for years in my marriage.  Well past the age when the kids were babies.  I kind of gave up on seeing my wife as a sexual person, even though she is beautiful.  I take care of myself about a dozen times a week and have been doing so for the past 10 years since this all started when the first was born.

Fast forward, my wife seems to have [b]regained a glimmer[/b] of her sexuality back.  My sense is she would enjoy sex a couple times a month if the mood was right.  So she might do what you did and be a bit flirty, but [b]the problem is 1) I may have recently taken care of myself - how was I supposed to know this was my lucky day of the month.  2) I still harbor some resentment from years of sexual abandonment and 3) I can't get it out of my head that the only reason she wants sex is to placate me.[/b]

Yes, we should probably go to therapy.  Right now, all I can focus on is the visual of you half naked with a sun kissed body  :wink: [/quote]

I find this incredibly insightful. Plainly-written and straight-forward. Men attempting to answer this question on this site either focus on the question of "are you hot?" and the female posters always seem to recommend outsourcing household chores. This PP identifies how the dynamic may have began and what allows it to endure. Thanks for posing, PP. I get it.

It may provide a better starting point for the inevitable, long-overdue conversation. Looking appealing and passively waiting for DH to initiate would look like a dangerous situation to a DH who regularly got turned down at the start of that year-long period. He may be expecting the rejection, shaming, or hostility that characterized life before she got her libido back. Whatever the case, "I look particularly pretty today, why doesn't DH know to start with the sex," isn't a good strategy, OP. Take it a step further and let him know what you want. If you'd said you then snuggled up to him and started playing with the hair on his legs and he STILL didn't make a move,...wow. You were sitting on the sofa next to him. That doesn't say "I want sex." It could simply be "well, the dishes are done." or "Hey, I know this movie."

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