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[quote=Anonymous]Ask your wife what she would like to see from you to make amends.  Does she want fully access to emails, cell phones, be copied on all communications with other women, etc.

I am going through something similar with DH.  What has helped me is DH coming up with a plan on how he was going to rebuilt trust, rebuild our bond etc.  It took him six months to really get that I wanted this plan but it shows he is finally taking this process seriously.  I haven't found couples therapy terribly helpful.  She only helped get my husband to understand that his online flirtation was wrong from the beginning since he was hiding it from me.  Husband kept claiming he didn't know it was wrong until towards the end of it.  Counselor seemed to get him out of this way of thinking.

I too threatened a separation when I found out.  Was it an over-action at the time, yes.  It was all the hurt and anger coming out.  I was caught up in my emotions.  It didn't help that DH was vague on a lot of details and had lied to me earlier about his interaction with his flirt buddy.

Anyhow, you must maintain transparency in all your interactions with your wife.  Let her cry it out with you and be there to hold her and not make excuses or get defensive.  Let her know you are genuinely sorry for the pain you have caused her.

Good luck to you OP.  I hope you and your wife can work it out.[/quote]

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