Reply to Did you stop having sex witb DW because she became overweight/old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"[i]Did you stop having sex witb DW because she became overweight/old[/i]"

I can't actually stop having sex, because I am a normal man with a normal sex drive for whom "sexless" is not a viable option.

And I am not the least bit turned off by a woman's natural aging process: my attraction is strongest to sexy women my age.

BUT.... there is no bloody excuse for her significant weight gain. TOTAL BONER KILLER! 
If I had any other [b]morally legit[/b] options for sex, it would not be with my overweight wife.[/quote]

Yes, you are obviously a paragon of morality.  :roll:

Do you honestly believe your wife would want to have sex with you if she knew how you felt about her? If you're going to be a dick, just own it and get yourself something on the side.[/quote]

What is immoral about being unattracted to somebody who has gained a lot of unattractive weight?
That's not an issue of morality, just pure biology, and common sense.

You really think I should tell her?
Or you are just angry over the fact that lots of people (like me) feel strongly that fat is unattractive?[/quote]

I understand it's not really a great situation for either of you, is it? You find her unattractive, a "boner killer," as you say, and yet you continue to use her body anyway, making the best of it, trying to do the more moral thing. You're right, it's more moral than cheating on her. It's also more committed and deep than dumping her because her appearance changed. Is it moral to use her "ugly" body and think of it with derision? That's where it gets tricky, but then life's not black and white.

And on her side, maybe she is naive enough to hope you're still attracted to her since you do have sex, yet there are probably enough little giveaways in your behavior that make her sense you find her unattractive. Women are often okay with their partner not being physically attractive. Most of us are just wired differently from men. The main ladyboner killer for us is feeling our partner doesn't find us attractive. We can be fully aware, objectively, that we're no beauties, but we just need our partner to be attracted to us on some level, for whatever crazy, random reason. Maybe, to save things with your wife, you need to focus on the things about her that attract you. As I said, it's tricky for both sides.

I struggle because lately I've lost all desire to be with my husband. I don't care what he looks like (and he's not good looking at all), but I get that my weight matters to him in how attractive I am. At it turns out, it matters far more than he had let on. He's acted accepting, all these years, as I've always struggled with health issues that affect my weight. Yet at some point it became clear that he wasn't being honest. He started quietly pursuing thin women on the side. He was having sex with me, but I felt used, like there was this detachment, and he wouldn't touch me anywhere except where he could feel my bones.

When things came to light, we did a lot of talking, and I told him I only want to be with a man who takes me as I am. I told him to figure out if you can live with me as I am, but if you're not into me, no hard feelings and you're free to go. Just don't fake it with me and make me feel degraded and despised on some level all the time. I get that you're starving for the filet mignon you chase, but I don't need to be anyone's dog food.

Since then, he says he realizes he loves me and wants to be with me, as I am. I try to be mature about this, because I know it takes maturity and compromise on both sides, but deep down I just don't want him anymore. I see both sides, and I try to see the big picture, but I have no trust and find the whole thing distasteful. We're trying to push through it because neither of us are okay with an open relationship. We love each other. We're human. Being human is so messy. Aging is no fun, either.
[/quote]

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