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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, was your sister or is your sister poor or did she lack access to money?

In addition to the issues related to sexual abuse, I feel like there are often issues related to poverty and guilt. Simple things like taking care of yourself and personal hygiene can seem like frivolous indulgences.[/quote]

I wouldn't say we grew up poor but our parents struggled financially to provide for us. My sister is now wealthy but she has lived in the same apartment that she used to rent when her daughter was a toddler - 2 bedroom. She has owned the  same bed/furniture for  as long as I can remember. That explains why she still shares a bed with her daughter.

Her charity works  with the poor of the poorest in Africa. Before that she worked with a big international organization that helped with disaster management to mostly places that have been faced with natural calamities or/and civil war. So yes, PP you do bring a good point that taking a shower, living in a decent house might seem overindulging. I now feel like I might have judged her too harshly :-([/quote]

I don't think it's about judging her harshly or not. It's about helping her gain perspective. You are 15 years younger and it may well be that your parents struggled more during her childhood as is often the case with young parents, and she may have felt, as an older sibling, that she should sacrifice for others.

I'm sure she wants things that she feels are not for her, that she feels are for others, things she does not deserve. Wanting those things and having those things, normal, every day things, probably fill her with all sorts of guilt. It's almost like a crisis of identity. She has to learn to understand that some of those things are necessary parts of life -- the should be part of her life. These feelings of guilt or delaying gratification, feeling like you don't deserve things that everyone around you has can lead to or exacerbate depression.

Maybe something can happen naturally amongst family and friends to change her perspective. I would have hoped that providing for her daughter would have. But it seems like maybe she needs to see a professional to counsel her.[/quote]

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