Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, was your sister or is your sister poor or did she lack access to money?

In addition to the issues related to sexual abuse, I feel like there are often issues related to poverty and guilt. Simple things like taking care of yourself and personal hygiene can seem like frivolous indulgences.

I wouldn't say we grew up poor but our parents struggled financially to provide for us. My sister is now wealthy but she has lived in the same apartment that she used to rent when her daughter was a toddler - 2 bedroom. She has owned the same bed/furniture for as long as I can remember. That explains why she still shares a bed with her daughter.

Her charity works with the poor of the poorest in Africa. Before that she worked with a big international organization that helped with disaster management to mostly places that have been faced with natural calamities or/and civil war. So yes, PP you do bring a good point that taking a shower, living in a decent house might seem overindulging. I now feel like I might have judged her too harshly

I don't think it's about judging her harshly or not. It's about helping her gain perspective. You are 15 years younger and it may well be that your parents struggled more during her childhood as is often the case with young parents, and she may have felt, as an older sibling, that she should sacrifice for others.

I'm sure she wants things that she feels are not for her, that she feels are for others, things she does not deserve. Wanting those things and having those things, normal, every day things, probably fill her with all sorts of guilt. It's almost like a crisis of identity. She has to learn to understand that some of those things are necessary parts of life -- the should be part of her life. These feelings of guilt or delaying gratification, feeling like you don't deserve things that everyone around you has can lead to or exacerbate depression.

Maybe something can happen naturally amongst family and friends to change her perspective. I would have hoped that providing for her daughter would have. But it seems like maybe she needs to see a professional to counsel her.

Have you seen the movie Grey Gardens? OP, your post reminded me of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the other two nieces to help the little one. You guys have to before it's too late and she's ostracized!

When she comes to you about buying new clothes, come right out and tell her that she needs to take care of them. That's you ticket there to showing her how to use the machine.

And for the love of God 15 is plenty old enough to research the myths of getting a cold! Give her the facts and tell her while her mom insists on some old wives tales, they are not true. Don't disparage her mom - remember that she loves her mom and you don't want her to be defensive - but be there to help her navigate this.

My older niece tried to talk to her( my younger niece) ... She was giving silent treatment for a month. She has to tip toe since she is living in "their house."

Are these two nieces sisters?

They are cousins. Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use the other two nieces to help the little one. You guys have to before it's too late and she's ostracized!

When she comes to you about buying new clothes, come right out and tell her that she needs to take care of them. That's you ticket there to showing her how to use the machine.

And for the love of God 15 is plenty old enough to research the myths of getting a cold! Give her the facts and tell her while her mom insists on some old wives tales, they are not true. Don't disparage her mom - remember that she loves her mom and you don't want her to be defensive - but be there to help her navigate this.

My older niece tried to talk to her( my younger niece) ... She was giving silent treatment for a month. She has to tip toe since she is living in "their house."

Are these two nieces sisters?