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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, what if at some age your spouse isn't as capable as you expect? what if their mental capacity declines? Or their personality changes some with age. Do you blame them for every thing you want done that doesn't get done? No, you adjust your expectations, and you cope in new ways. It's a challenge for you. It will test you.[/quote]

I worry more that if something happens to me he won't have half a clue how to do anything for me, the kids or the house.

As for expectations, it takes a certain very laid back type to continually drop basic expectations of a grown healthy adult and not feel totally taken advantage of.

I know couples that each cares and knows what's going on, they race each other to attend a child or take care of something that needs to be done. Total team in every aspect. op needs to stress teamwork and doing duties out of love, not a game of chicken to see who can hold out the longest.[/quote]

If you constantly nag and don't let your H do it his way, he won't be able to take care of you or your kids. But once you are gone he will figure it out quickly, it still won't be your way but it will be fine.

It does take maturity yo know the difference between dropping expectations and realizing your expectations are controlling your life and unrealistic/ridiculous.

The couples that you know that figured it out, let their spouse do it their way, don't second guess them and got over their own hangups.[/quote]

When I look around at unhappy couples with children the problem is one spouse NOT DOING IT AT ALL, or always half-assing things. It's like one needs to be babied with constant reminders and encouragement over basic, basic stuff (put dirty clothes in the hamper, mow the lawn, put your shoes away, etc.)

Furthermore, the balance is not between dropping expectations for stringent expectations - those are two sides of the same coin. The balance is between being able to count on your partner or not.  If you cannot count on your partner to think of or do basic things for the team, you are on course for divorce or an unhappy co-habitation with no attraction.  I cannot think of a faster way to look trust and faith in a spouse than to be continually disappointed, let down, fed with excuses, etc over basic expectations CONSTANTLY not being met.  Call a spade a spade. [/quote]

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