Reply to How did you get over your AP?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course the cheated on spouse deserves to know.  They deserve to know who they are married to and make their own decision on how to proceed.  They also need to know that everything isn't their fault, that when someone has an affair, they often justify it by blaming the cheated on spouse for both the affair and a whole host of other things, and the cheated on spouse should know about the affair to realize that no, not everything is their fault.  It's extremely patronizing to take that decision and knowledge away from someone who has no clue who he/she is living with.[/quote]

If my husband had an affair and broke it off because he wanted to commit to our marriage and fix the problems in our marriage that made him interested in an affair, I would not want to know about the affair. I would prefer to work on the problems in our marriage. You are fooling yourself if you think everyone wants to know and also if you think that many affairs are partially caused by problems in the marriage. Obviously there are people who are simply broken, but I have long since stopped being surprised when people in marriages where one or both parties does not place priority on maintaining intimacy (emotional and/or physical) find intimacy (emotional and/or physical) in other places. [/quote]

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