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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, what if at some age your spouse isn't as capable as you expect? what if their mental capacity declines? Or their personality changes some with age. Do you blame them for every thing you want done that doesn't get done? No, you adjust your expectations, and you cope in new ways. It's a challenge for you. It will test you.[/quote]

I worry more that if something happens to me he won't have half a clue how to do anything for me, the kids or the house.

As for expectations, it takes a certain very laid back type to continually drop basic expectations of a grown healthy adult and not feel totally taken advantage of.

I know couples that each cares and knows what's going on, they race each other to attend a child or take care of something that needs to be done. Total team in every aspect. op needs to stress teamwork and doing duties out of love, not a game of chicken to see who can hold out the longest.[/quote]

If you constantly nag and don't let your H do it his way, he won't be able to take care of you or your kids. But once you are gone he will figure it out quickly, it still won't be your way but it will be fine.

It does take maturity yo know the difference between dropping expectations and realizing your expectations are controlling your life and unrealistic/ridiculous.

The couples that you know that figured it out, let their spouse do it their way, don't second guess them and got over their own hangups.[/quote]

My relations is like that. We are a true team. I feel we have something unusual.  As a comment to some of the things said on this thread:

We always apologize when mistakes are made. Other posters claim that validating feeling and apologizing is unhealthy,  that is the opposite in our relationship.  Validation is actually a cornerstone.

As far as doing things "our way" we ABSOLUTELY strive to accommodate each other's particularities. This is done because we love each other and get pleasure out of pleasing each other. For instance, I'm messy, he's clean. I've worked very hard over the years to form better habits. It frustrates him when I leave clothes on the floor or don't immediately do my dishes. He doesn't like it when I trash the car, so I work hard not to do that and take the car every 2 weeks to get the inside clean. I don't give a shit, but it makes him happy and therefore me happy.

For me, my quirk that he accommodates is that when he empties the kids backpacks, I like all papers and homework to be addressed and taken care of right away. He's more landscape back about it. He knows the way I like it and he adjusts in order to please me.

As a team, you canto operate in a vacuum or the team can't function. We've been doing this for 20 years and I can say that together, we've won the jackpot of marriages.[/quote]

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