Reply to 3rd grade DD circle of friends excluded playdates

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]so our DD has a circle of friends at school she has known since kindergarten, and at least from her self report they are her best friends and she often plays with them at recess and aftercare.

it seems that her circle of friends are often having playdates at each others houses but DD has never been invited (and these are group playdates not just each other).  there is some parental gulf to bridge, since most of her friends have moms who work part time, and we are dual full-time working parents (so we don't tend to hang out after school pickup like they can or have that mom-to-mom bonding).

so my first impulse is to try and host some playdates, but are have had people over and never been reciprocated and not sure if we step it up if it will be?

is or problem that we aren't mom friends with these moms, and having those part-time or SAH mom lunches or coffees where these plans can hatch? or perhaps our daughter who is a bit brash is just not that close to her friends as she thinks? or as a playdate guest the parents find her tiring (though i wish folks would tell us if she is a poor guest).

so is it possible we have some behavioral issues with our DD making real friends and behaving at other's houses or is it just a mom group thing that we are outside of b/c we just are at work when they are making plans and connections?[/quote]

Don't overthink it.

I have been a WOHM and had a better network of moms (and playdates) then, than when I became a SAHM. I actually do not have time to do lunches or coffee with other moms now, because my day is jam-packed with all the stuff that I am doing at home (routine, boring, inescapable, time consuming) and outside of home.

Your daughter has friends at school. That is a good place to start off with.  She is not getting excluded at home.  You also need her to get into various activities outside of school that keeps her engaged.  Go ahead and schedule a few playdates and do not worry if the majority do not reciprocate. I host quite often at home, and usually only 10% of people will reciprocate.  People are busy and may not have the time to reciprocate, but I think it is sufficient that they take the time to attend when you host.

Remember that this (playdates) is a phase that gets over very quickly. By middle school they become rare because kids are busy in EC activities.

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