Anonymous wrote:15:25, most parents with 3+ young children divide and conquer with sports and activities. One parent goes to the game, the other parent does whatever with the younger kids. My DH has coached red soccer several times and I have only sometimes seen that kid's games, b/c I had Moe and Curly at another game or activity. Not doing things en masse is more efficient.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?

I don't think you need to teach her not to talk to adults. Teach her to always be polite, not to interrupt, and not to interject herself into a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with her. It's one thing to talk to your parents as part of a general conversation around the dinner table; it's another to butt into a conversation that your friends' parents are having. I certainly don't mind a chatty kid, as long as they aren't rude or know-it-all.

OP, I feel like you're using a lot of euphemisms to talk around this. What is "adult talk prone"?
I also think you're playing dumb a bit when you ask if you should teach her to be quiet with other adults. This can't be a real question. You should teach her manners - they are the same for everybody, children and adults. Do you butt into people's conversations out of the blue? That's disrespectful and inappropriate. Do you question someone's house rules when you visit? As in "But why can't we bring our dog to your backyard BBQ?" "But why should we take our shoes off?" Manners and civility are the same for everybody unless you're Maugli raised by animals in the forest. There is not "cultivate culture difference" here. There is "acting civilized", that's all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?

I'm fairly kid-friendly, but if I am having a conversation with my DH and/or another adult, no, I am not interested in your child (who is supposed to be on a play date with my child) interjecting herself into the conversation, whether it is polite of not.

Also, at 8 - she shouldn't be asking anybody about the rules at their house, and why they differ from hers. At 8, she should absolutely understand there are different rules at different homes. And no, I am not interested in explaining to your 8 year old why the rules are what they are at MY house. No ma'am.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?

I don't think you need to teach her not to talk to adults. Teach her to always be polite, not to interrupt, and not to interject herself into a conversation that doesn't have anything to do with her. It's one thing to talk to your parents as part of a general conversation around the dinner table; it's another to butt into a conversation that your friends' parents are having. I certainly don't mind a chatty kid, as long as they aren't rude or know-it-all.

Anonymous wrote:so our DD has a circle of friends at school she has known since kindergarten, and at least from her self report they are her best friends and she often plays with them at recess and aftercare.

it seems that her circle of friends are often having playdates at each others houses but DD has never been invited (and these are group playdates not just each other). there is some parental gulf to bridge, since most of her friends have moms who work part time, and we are dual full-time working parents (so we don't tend to hang out after school pickup like they can or have that mom-to-mom bonding).

so my first impulse is to try and host some playdates, but are have had people over and never been reciprocated and not sure if we step it up if it will be?

is or problem that we aren't mom friends with these moms, and having those part-time or SAH mom lunches or coffees where these plans can hatch? or perhaps our daughter who is a bit brash is just not that close to her friends as she thinks? or as a playdate guest the parents find her tiring (though i wish folks would tell us if she is a poor guest).

so is it possible we have some behavioral issues with our DD making real friends and behaving at other's houses or is it just a mom group thing that we are outside of b/c we just are at work when they are making plans and connections?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Op here. This is food for thought. DD is perhaps to adult-talk prone-- she definitely feels like she can carry conversation with an adult. We are a pretty chill family, and include kids in most decisions though we do make it clear we set the rules. I guess we should teach her to keep quiet around other adults? She will just want to be part of an adult conversation, like if I am talking to DH about work she will ask about why so-so was being difficult to work with. I can imagine she interjects in other conversations at guest house.

So how do we culture this deference when we aren't there? Just telling probably won't do it because brash and very keen on justice. I don't think she is disrespectful but she will not be afraid to ask questions to someone's mom such as why they have a rule about no markers at the table or something that is different then ours.

Maybe we need to have more adult guests at our house and help her practice? Etiquette classes?

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the "gulf" is in your head, at least as far as the school families go. Just keep inviting friends over if your daughter enjoys playing with them. We probably host easily 80% of my 2 younger elementary dc playdates, b/c I set them up. Do I sit around wondering why people don't reciprocate? No, b/c who knows what is going on in someone else's life.
If the kids enjoy each other's company, who cares who invites
who?

(As far as the b-ball team goes, there might be a distance there if *all* the other families are involved in volunteering/coaching and you are the only family that "mooches"-not sure if that is the case without more info). If your children play in a rec sports type league, there is an unwritten expectation that at some season, some time, one of the parents will step up to coach, assistant coach, be the snack organizer parent, do the lines for soccer, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Forthright with adults" sounds like a euphemism for something that could be less pleasant to the adults on the receiving end of it. Personally I love a friendly, chatty, kid but draw the line at kids who act like they are on the level of adults, "correcting" the adult, opining on plans/food/other playdate stuff, trying to run the show themselves, or not listening to instructions. Make sure your kid isn't coming across as obnoxious. I don't mean this to be attacking at all, just offering a point of view.

I am the PP who asked for an example. But the OP didn't come back on it. It could be that the kid is simply non-shy and articulate, or it could be that the kid is a big sass mouth with an attitude and the OP is either oblivious to it or thinks it's a-OK. If it's the latter, that's the answer. Kids copy each other, and parents may not want a rude kid with a poor attitude in their house interacting with their child.

Anonymous wrote:We host and plan play dates probably 75% of the time. Some people are busy, some disorganized, some people don't care about reciprocating, whatever. If friends are coming over to play dates at your house, she isn't be excluded and I wouldn't worry about it.