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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, see in my house, taking a load off her doesn't fix anything. She'll just pick up new activities to make her exhausted. At the moment, it's marathon training.

End result is, I end up doing more and more of the necessary stuff, while she ends up doing more and more discretionary stuff that exhausts her and still doesn't result in sex. [/quote]

Have you tried doing discretionary stuff with her? That helps couples bond. You don't have to be joined at the hip, but if she's into running and you are a couch potato that might be a big part of the problem. She may feel like you aren't interested in her as a person, just a way to get your rocks off and she might be turned off by your less fit body.[/quote]

As to the running, I'm more fit than her (though I run fewer miles than she does). She feels self-conscious that she's slowing me down. I don't care, and I like running with her; but it makes her feel awkward, so I don't insist. As to your larger point, yes, we make an effort to do things together. It's a small thing, but my favorite time of the day is walking the dogs together now that the kids are old enough to stay home unattended for a little while. (This does not change the fact that she will fill up any free hours in her day. Her m.o. is to go-go-go until she's exhausted and then crash. She probably gets 9 hours of sleep per day compared to my 7 per day -- if that matters.)

The point being that I don't doubt that some wives want to have sex but have their days filled up by things that have to get done and that they would have more sex if their husbands would take care of some of those life necessities. But I don't think my situation -- having a wife who just isn't interested in making sex a priority -- is that unusual. [/quote]

So maybe there is another issue at play. Most of the wives I know who have tons of crafts, hobbies, and activities that keep them up all night and leave them worn out either have some mental health issues (bipolar, OCD, or mild hoarding) or they describe their husbands are lousy lovers. Some have both issues.

The vast majority of people enjoy orgasms and don't go to extreme lengths to avoid them. Chances are that she's taking care of her own business (I certainly did when married to a man who was terrible in bed) and you just don't know. And, although I didn't stay up late at night doing discretionary stuff, I went to bed super early and got up super early so that I could avoid having bad sex.

Before I get flamed: No, my ex-husband was never the world's best lover pre-marriage, but he was bad in bed because he developed ED and stopped making an oral effort after we married. Yes, I told and showed him what I liked. No, it wasn't anything weird or unrealistic. Yes, I offered to do what he liked as a quid pro quo. Yes, I asked him to talk to the doctor about the ED. No, I didn't initially hide my BOB, but tried to introduce it to help things out. Yes, he felt threatened by it, but I think women share responsibility for having an orgasm and if your DH won't do oral, you can get help flicking your Bic while he gets the main event he wants. No, I don't regret a single orgasm I had with or without him involved.[/quote]

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