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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... do you ever feel as though you add just faking it? Being happy, that is? As though you don't care one way or the other?Living in a little bit of an emotionally dishonest life?

Or, am I really further away from happily married than I thought?[/quote]

No.  Not really.  15 years in, and feel so lucky and fortunate to be with someone who is my partner in life and has my back.  There have definitely been frustrations and disappointments over the years (for him as well, I'm sure), but I've never felt like I am faking it.  Do you feel like this is spouse-specific, or a general unhappiness?[/quote]

OP here. I feel like it is spouse specific. My happiness ebbs and flows, I get that, mostly I'm happy. I won't rule out general unhappiness, entirely, but the fake it till you make it comment got me, because I wonder if that is what I'm doing, and wondering if this will work, will I believe that I love my spouse if I say it enough? Do enough things for him? Do I just want to have sex or do I want to have sex with him? I'm definitely used to having him around, but I'd be used to a roomate if we lived together for this long. I do feel as if my feelings for him are mostly non-existant. Not an an acrimonious way. But just that I don't feel spontaneous love. If he's here, great. If he isn't here, great.  I want the best for him. Am I just used to having him here and want to preserve our life without upheaval? It is a long marriage, though (20 years) and so this could be temporary and due to kids, work, stress ...[/quote]

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