No, never. I honestly catch myself thinking I am very happy (almost giddily so) in certain moments. That's not to say that I am never down or bicker with my husband, etc. etc. but in general I would describe myself as happy and happily married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 6 years. Just had a baby. We are sleep deprived, but very happy. Tell each other how grateful we are to have found each other.

Oh, newlyweds.

Married 20+ years. The first 15 were easy. Not feeling the love right now.

If you knew what we've been through you wouldn't say that. Unemployment, elderly father living with us, fell off the wagon, infertility and still birth. The fact that we've been through all that and still happy and in love is a miracle. I am with the perfect man for me. And we both tell each other how lucky we are.

Good for you! I don't know why the PP wanted to diminish your relationship based on length. I guess PP is miserable and jealous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 6 years. Just had a baby. We are sleep deprived, but very happy. Tell each other how grateful we are to have found each other.

Oh, newlyweds.

Married 20+ years. The first 15 were easy. Not feeling the love right now.

If you knew what we've been through you wouldn't say that. Unemployment, elderly father living with us, fell off the wagon, infertility and still birth. The fact that we've been through all that and still happy and in love is a miracle. I am with the perfect man for me. And we both tell each other how lucky we are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... do you ever feel as though you add just faking it? Being happy, that is? As though you don't care one way or the other?Living in a little bit of an emotionally dishonest life?

Or, am I really further away from happily married than I thought?

No. Not really. 15 years in, and feel so lucky and fortunate to be with someone who is my partner in life and has my back. There have definitely been frustrations and disappointments over the years (for him as well, I'm sure), but I've never felt like I am faking it. Do you feel like this is spouse-specific, or a general unhappiness?

OP here. I feel like it is spouse specific. My happiness ebbs and flows, I get that, mostly I'm happy. I won't rule out general unhappiness, entirely, but the fake it till you make it comment got me, because I wonder if that is what I'm doing, and wondering if this will work, will I believe that I love my spouse if I say it enough? Do enough things for him? Do I just want to have sex or do I want to have sex with him? I'm definitely used to having him around, but I'd be used to a roomate if we lived together for this long. I do feel as if my feelings for him are mostly non-existant. Not an an acrimonious way. But just that I don't feel spontaneous love. If he's here, great. If he isn't here, great. I want the best for him. Am I just used to having him here and want to preserve our life without upheaval? It is a long marriage, though (20 years) and so this could be temporary and due to kids, work, stress ...

Anonymous wrote:Being happily married doesn't necessarily mean puppy dogs and rainbows 24/7.

It means genuinely loving and respecting each other. It means being fully committed to staying together. It means having far more good days than bad days. It means not holding grudges. It means having a good sex life.

But it also means fighting every now and then. Being annoyed sometimes.

+1 PLus, it means someone having your back and picking up the slack when you need it and you licking up the slack when they need it. Working as team an enjoying each ohter's company in general.