Reply to Why are there so few secondary infertility support groups?

Forum Index » Infertility Support and Discussion

Reply to "Why are there so few secondary infertility support groups?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP. We are also suffering from secondary infertility and I agree that it would be helpful to find groups who specialize in this.

We are a same sex couple who also struggled with primary infertility. Back then, I remember reading the book Inconceivable and feeling pretty pissed off as I did. I felt similarly to many of the PP's on this thread. I thought, how dare she feel like this when she already has one child.

Then, after our son was born, we paid $25,000 to do shared risk at shady grove. DW got pregnant on the first try - it was like a dream. We lost that baby at 17 weeks due to T21. Then we had several failed cycles. Then two more miscarriages this year.

I don't disagree that primary is brutal - it is. We lived it. But I also think what we have been through is its own hell. And we can't just try at home and end up with an oops pregnancy. So many online groups we have been a part of have brought us the experience of watching people come and go with BFPs and successful pregnancies while we watch our son get older and while we mark the months and years thinking of how old our other children would have been. We bought a huge new house a few months ago right as DW got her most recent BFP - then had to move in right after her miscarriage with all of our sons old baby clothes and her maternity clothes staring us in the face - as if they were mocking us.

The point of this long response is to say I empathize - and you have every right to grieve the loss of what you wanted your family to be. We haven't given up - hopefully you won't either.

[/quote]

Wait, what?  If a lesbian showed up at an infertility support group of any kind I would be perplexed.  Of course you can't have an oops pregnancy.  Science and all.  Of course you have to pay to have a baby.  It's not the same as having sex month after month expecting it to work and, nothing.  You knew you would have to use ART and it's only a fairly recent thing that even the possibility of you having a child is real.  Also, there are two sets of eggs and you choose the sperm and can switch donors if there is an issue.  [/quote]

"Wait, what" poster. I hope you realize how dumb you sound. Same sex couple here and have been battling infertility for the past three years. 3 natural IUIs, 4 medicated IUIs, 4 IVFs and now on 6th FET. Recurrent miscarriages and DOR at age 34. You sound so uneducated and closed minded. Get a grip and get over yourself. So just because I can't procreate with a man, my attempts at conceiving a child are somehow less than yours?[/quote]

I think people have a hard time wrapping their heads around an infertile lesbian couple because there's that lingering question - are you reeeeeally fertile? A normal healthy couple may need to have sex a lot, many times during their fertile period, for months on end to get pregnant. The procedures you are undergoing may result to only a fraction of what normal couples have to do. So maybe you wouldn't be infertile under normal circumstance? Maybe that's ignorant, just what I'm thinking. That said I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Op too. You guys are right that it's not suffering Olympics but a bruised apple can't be compared to a bruised orange even if they're both in fact damaged. Secondary infertility IS different. [/quote]

I'm the DW of the PP who posted here and while I can't speak for other same sex couples, I can assure you that we didn't just jump into IVF without trying at home for a year, with fresh sperm, every month after detecting my surge. This followed by about 4-6 months of IUIs. This followed by our first IVF and child, and after our donor contracted HIV, used his previously frozen sperm for 5 more fresh cycles and one FET. Lost babies for 3 of those cycles and now staring down our 6th fresh cycle to TTC #2. So in total 7 fresh IVF cycles and one miraculous live child. I assure you, I am infertile. Might I have gotten pregnant if my donor wasn't HIV+ and I were able to continue trying at home with fresh sperm, a cup and a syringe? Possibly. But I think 6 fresh cycles and no baby is pretty telling.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics