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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP. We are also suffering from secondary infertility and I agree that it would be helpful to find groups who specialize in this.

We are a same sex couple who also struggled with primary infertility. Back then, I remember reading the book Inconceivable and feeling pretty pissed off as I did. I felt similarly to many of the PP's on this thread. I thought, how dare she feel like this when she already has one child.

Then, after our son was born, we paid $25,000 to do shared risk at shady grove. DW got pregnant on the first try - it was like a dream. We lost that baby at 17 weeks due to T21. Then we had several failed cycles. Then two more miscarriages this year.

I don't disagree that primary is brutal - it is. We lived it. But I also think what we have been through is its own hell. And we can't just try at home and end up with an oops pregnancy. So many online groups we have been a part of have brought us the experience of watching people come and go with BFPs and successful pregnancies while we watch our son get older and while we mark the months and years thinking of how old our other children would have been. We bought a huge new house a few months ago right as DW got her most recent BFP - then had to move in right after her miscarriage with all of our sons old baby clothes and her maternity clothes staring us in the face - as if they were mocking us.

The point of this long response is to say I empathize - and you have every right to grieve the loss of what you wanted your family to be. We haven't given up - hopefully you won't either.

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If you showed up at ANY support group saying "And we can't just try at home and end up with an oops pregnancy" I hope they asked you nicely to leave. [/quote]

We have never attended an in person support group other than for pregnancy loss. From the tone of some of these responses it makes me glad that we haven't. What I said about not trying at home is a fact. And you can't pretend it doesn't happen for some couples. Even on this forum, there are couples who need fertility intervention for child 1 then get pregnant with a second on their own.

I wouldn't wish the pain we have experienced on anyone, and I completely acknowledge that primary infertility is brutal and not anything like secondary. As I said, we also dealt with it for years in addition to the numerous obstacles lesbian couples face when using a fertility clinic. Things like paying close to $1000 to sit with a social worker who questioned every aspect of our choice (which, by the way, is standard at every clinic we have ever worked with).

Why would you zero in on that particular part of my post when I was merely trying to empathize with OP?[/quote]

But it's really unkind to assume that other people don't also face extreme hardship getting pregnant. It's extraordinarily unsympathetic, and any time you get into the "my pain is worse than your pain" game in a support network, it is unhelpful to all involved. Being a same-sex couple isn't why people got irritated here. You shouldn't be at a support group  if you can't empathize with others -- no matter why they're there. Especially if you think your suffering is morally superior to theirs. [/quote]

NP here. I didn't get this at all from PP's post. Frankly, you're the one sounding unsympathetic in this exchange. PP and OP: I'm sorry for your struggles and losses.[/quote]

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