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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]new poster here. I understand, in a layman's sense, what validation is and that it is important to validate people's feelings. This applies to co-workers, bosses, customers, spouses as well. But I'm also a little in the dark as to how this technique fits in with other aspects of parenting, like teaching your tween values and behavioral expectations? Validating feelings is fine, but doesn't this co-exist with addressing their actions? [/quote]

Timing is important when trying to teach your tween values and expectations.  The point of validation is that it is being used at a moment when you tween is emotionally charged and reaching out to you.  When you use that moment in time to teach then you are shifting the focus from what they want to say to you, to you needing them to hear something from you.

Teaching them expectations and values is critically important, just do it when they can hear you rather than when they are processing something that is difficult for them.  That will cut down on the conflict.[/quote]

Totally agree with this advice.    Practicing validation when your child is in emotional distress or when you need to talk to them about an undesirable behavior (no toilet flushing) is already a heavy load without trying to make this an opportunity to instill moral values as well.  Kids generally tell you enough random things about what others have done (so and so got shoplifting), that you can use those times to convey your moral values and why you have them.  [/quote]

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