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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your family needs to recognize your SIL has a mental illness.  Infertility may have been the trigger but it is not the cause.  The cause, actually, doesn't matter because you need to deal with the symptoms of her illness just as you would if she were a substance abuser.  You need to start with establishing boundaries.  Abusive, disrespectful behavior is not to be tolerated.  If her behavior makes interacting with her unpleasant/intolerable/unpredictable, don't interact with her.  You can greet her at events, be civil/polite but don't engage.  Don't invite her to events at your house.  You can't do anything about her behavior but you have a lot of control over your own.  You may not like your choices but you do have many.  Disengaging is probably one of the most effective and useful.  HTH.[/quote]

This. Grief is ugly and tough to watch. When someone is suffering, he or she is expected to crawl under a rock and die off quietly, because it is unacceptable to inconvenience the more fortunate in any way. It is sad, but it's true.

OP, may you never be in your SIL's shoes. Meaning never have a crisis that will have your family turn away and forget about you, because you are nothing but a nuisance to them.[/quote]

I might agree is this was a year or two but this has been 15 years.  That is too much.  SIL is fixated on her infertility.  It is the fixation that is a problem and is causing a problem for others. 
SIL is not just allowing her grief to ruin her life but to dictate the actions of others in her life.  She thinks everyone owes her endless sympathy and money.  If she and her DH spend all their money on fertility treatments and expect OP and her DH to bail them out of financial messes it is absolutely an issue of concern.

SIL is mourning the loss of a child she never had.  I am sure it is horrible but she has taken it too far for too long.
I have a friend who is mourning the loss of a child who was born and lived for 18 years.  She never makes others feel uncomfortable.  She asks about other peoples kids. She doesn't make people feel guilty about having kids or talking about their kids. She is a strong woman who 2 years later must still be processing unimaginable grief but she still makes an effort to be social and have fun when she can.  Being miserable doesn't help deal with grief.   [/quote]

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