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[quote=Anonymous]I asked my fiancé what red flags he saw five years ago and why he didn't run. Here is what he said:
1) 2 kids, one of whom was in primary school
2) mentally ill ex-husband who was often behind on a as even when he was unemployed
3) demanding job that I clearly loved, but had little chance of major improvement in income
4) difficult elderly parents, particularly my mother
5) it took a long time to become sexually intimate and I have PTSD from childhood sex abuse and surviving a sexual assault in college.

He said that he didn't run because he knew me first as a friend before we became romantic so he was already impressed with and invested in all the things I had to offer despite these red flags. He said that I was honest and upfront about everything and willing to discuss them rather than acting like he was rude or paranoid for having questions. The biggest thing though, he said, was that he could see that I was happy and leading a functioning life without looking for someone to rescue me. He was especially impressed by how I parented my girls once he met them.

We've talked about some of this before briefly in premarital therapy, but not in such a direct way and it was really funny talking about them now since the biggest challenges we've faced the past four years were out of the blue multiple health crises that hit me all at once. It never occurred to me that my fiancé might walk away because my exhusband is a deadbeat dad or my mom tries to micromanage everything. I completely would have understood it if he'd left when I gained 40lbs for six months or temporarily went kinda crazy from the wrong medications. Oddly, those pushed us together more in the period between becoming exclusive and getting engaged. [/quote]

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