Reply to Teen DD came out recently, advice for conservative family

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[quote=Anonymous]OP- My parents sent me as a newly out 13-year-old to spend a week with my rural prejudiced grandparents, and it was a DISASTER.  Is your DD ready to be constantly criticized? So far you've shielded her from their disapproval---would she still be excited for this trip if she knows how they really feel? Even if they don't openly say "we hate that you're gay" she's going to figure it out from the way they treat her.  Better timer her know now while you can help her deal with it and her therapist can help her deal, then when she's alone with them and thrown to the wolves.  My grandparents told me they were embarrassed to be seen in public with me---is your DD in a place where she's ready to handle that?  Is her sister older and willing to step in if your DD is feeling attacked/uncomfortable, or is she younger and more likely to absorb her grandparents' hateful views.  Will your DD be expected to attend church services with an anti-gay message? That would be a deal breaker for me.  Is there any chance they'd invite gay 'conversion' people into their homes or make your DD attend abusive 'gay conversion therapy'? Those are also non-starters for me.

When this visit happened for me, I called my dad and he drove all night after work to come get me.  He stayed for two days at my grandparents' with me and deflected all the criticism and took me out to do fun activities in the area, which helped salvage my relationship with my grandparents (I'm in my 20s now and while I will always hate what happened to me that trip, our relationship is much better now).  You and your DH need to be willing to drive down immediately if your DD needs you.  Please be aware of how 'micro aggressions' like comments on a news story that don't necessarily mention your DD can affect her mental health.  She's already in treatment for anxiety---please discuss this situation with her therapist, who may be able to gauge her resilience more than you in this situation.[/quote]

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