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[quote=Anonymous]This happened to me two decades ago. He was abusive, I stayed for the kids, and when we split up he seemed to have moved on quickly. I was so upset that he could behave well for her and didn't for me. Well, that's what I thought. It's decades later and I now know that he developed a substance abuse problem and now has some pretty serious health problems because of that. I also found out he was jailed during their marriage for assault-- so even though I don't know of any abuse against her, I don't think he changed. And he was perpetually unemployed during those decades. On the other hand, not only did my kids grow up without thinking abuse is normal, but they grew up to be fantastic people. The kids went on to graduate really good colleges and are doing good, positive things with their lives. And I have a great career I never would have predicted. Honestly, we had some tough financial times and I never did find a new man, but I'm having a wonderful life.

My advice is to write down every awful thing he ever did and read every time you think how great he is. Because somewhere in your mind, you are idealizing him. He hasn't changed. He is just charming her like he charmed you years ago.

Oh, and don't worry about your kids relationship with her. She is probably nice. I always figured that if my ex picked me, he knew how to pick women well. The kids will never love her more than you but you want them to get along. In the meantime, follow the suggestions on this thread: get him off social media, work out, get some new hobbies and meet some new people. You will really be okay. [/quote]

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