Reply to Bar/Bat Mitzvah attendance

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a huge, HUGE social aspect to these things. They don't invite the whole grade because it is meaningful. There is a competition amongst families and it is a big deal on Monday to see who has the shirt, who got left out.  Why would you invite random people to such a sacred event?[/quote]

I agree.

When you get to the point that you are inviting a ton of kids who have no real relationship with the guest of honor, it becomes less about the special religious milestone and more about throwing a big party (and getting gifts).[/quote]

I completely disagree.  We are inviting DD's whole class because there are 20 children in it, and if we invited only the 12 or so whom she is friendly with, then we would be acting exclusionary and leaving people out.  Of course, people are welcome not to accept our invitation.  Believe me, the LAST thing any of us is thinking about are the gifts.  We are very focused on DD learning her Torah portion, on getting our words to her right, on making sure that we honor people appropriately in the candle lighting ceremony, etc.  It really doesn't matter whether people give gifts or not....having the people we love around us as DD takes this huge step is what it's about, and inviting the extra people - her classmates whom she isn't that friendly with but who are also part of a small class, the athletes on her team she isn't close to but are  still part of her age group and therefore spend a lot of time with her at practie - is just a side effect.  If those people don't want to come, no harm.  I'm inviting them to be nice and inclusive.   That's it.[/quote]

This.  My DD"s Bat Mitzvah was a year ago.  She worked really hard preparing for it, and was really worried she would mess up; She did great!

We did not invite all her classes mates; there were about 150 of them...and about 600 kids in her grade.  I kind of wish we had invited more kids, because the kids provide the energy for the party.  For the most part, the adults sit around and talk, but the kids are out, moving around, on the dance floor, etc.  Adding more kids is not free; the economics show that (with the exception of the really close relatives), the cost of the party is greater than the value of the gifts.  Adding 10 more kids would have cost about 500 dollars; and probably would have resulted in $380 more in gifts....so calling it a gift grab is stupid.

The party was for my daughter, to celebrate the accomplishment and honor of being called up for an Aliyah -- to read the prayers before the Torah reading, which is reserved for Adults.  She ran the service (with her partner) and did an excellent job.  She celebrated it with her friends and family.  
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