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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH is a SAHD -- which was  decision we made together 8 yrs ago before we got pregnant with DC 1. 2 kids now -- ages 7 and 4. I was working ALL the time back then and was on the cusp of getting promoted and I knew that I could not keep the work schedule I needed to while providing the type of care that kids need -- so my view was either he stays home or we don't have kids. He really really wanted kids and really didn't care about his job at all and was excited to stay home. He's a good dad and is the primary parent BUT now that it's been 7 yrs and I'm still working ALL the time, I am getting fairly resentful of his schedule.

Obviously in the early days, his schedule was tough -- caring of infants/toddlers 12+ hrs a day is not easy. But now the kids are SO manageable and are off to school by 8-9 am and don't get home until 3 pm. That means he naps, watches tv, plays video games, and spends all day on whatever fantasy sport is in season. When he first got into being a SAHD our agreement was simple - his responsibility was the kid(s) and if he could do stuff around the home, great, but there wasn't like a chore list or anything. Now though -- I expect (and have said) that since he has 7 hrs a day free, he could grocery shop, do laundry etc. He never does or very rarely. It set me off this week that I got home at 9 pm one night and found that he had fed the kids and eaten dinner and not even made anything extra or saved leftovers for me. Meanwhile I'm thinking -- me working 12+ hrs a day and making a huge income means you don't have to work, get 35 hrs a week to yourself, and have a luxury car and whatever tech toys you want -- couldn't you have picked up extra takeout or boiled some pasta for me too??!

When we had talked about being a SAHD back in the day, it was "temporary," but neither of us defined what that meant. Part of me thinks it's gone on too long now and he needs to go back to work -- but part of me thinks, there will still be sick days, snow days, days where I must travel and having him home provides flexibility. Should I approach going back to work again? Thing is -- he didn't have a career, he had a job; he was working at a hotel -- so while we don't need the money, I imagine he could pick up hotel shift work. He doesn't have the type of career that lots of guys on DCUM do where they can freelance, start their own small consulting firm etc.

Am I being unreasonable for being over the stay home thing?[/quote]

If he goes back to work, YOU have to be THE back up parent for sick days, snow days... for at least the first year since you have already built up PTO and work relationships.  He needs at least a year where his job is first to build that up.

Hire out for the cleaning, have him take over the cooking/shopping- start with Blue Apron or similar.

He paid his and your dues regarding the heavy lifting of parenting in the early years and now that things are getting easier for him, now you want more.  He stayed at home so you could keep your career on full throttle so it would get easier for you- things should be easier for you now since the more senior people get the more flexibility they can have.  If you want more time with family and yourself, you need to dial down your career- it sounds like you get step won a bit and still have plenty of money.

Go to marital counseling and figure out what each of you is willing to do and go from there. [/quote]

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