Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you guys talk about it laying all your cards on the table - or is it something she will get very upset about?[/quote]

Probably.  She will get very upset, but we can talk.  We've actually talked a couple of times.  She has been very upset, and I've explained that I don't really feel desired, but that it's more that she fears that if she doesn't give me duty sex, I'll go looking elsewhere.  I've explained that I don't really want duty sex.

[quote=Anonymous]And no, OP, that is not what having children does to a marriage.[/quote]

My comment was a pre-emptive 'response' to the chorus who would read this (and many have!) as me wanting and not getting sex, and then telling me to "just deal".  I've read quite a few threads here on this topic, and I know that for many people having a baby isn't a sex-life killer.  I also know that's the stock response from a majority; I wouldn't have posted except that I don't think I can recall a similar permutation of this problem.

[quote=Anonymous]In fact, I was chafing at the 6 week no sex prohibition and giving to/getting from DH various other forms of sexual gratification a couple of weeks after the births.[/quote]

My libido/desire would be substantially higher if my wife would do something as simple as giving me a handjob - even just to get us started.

[quote=Anonymous]Your wife is clearly insecure about her body though and your feelings about it bear her insecurity out, that's the real problem. This is where I recommend lying. Yes, telling her that you find her attractive, desirable blah blah blah until it helps her with her insecurity and turns her into a sex-initiating person (which you indicated you'd like even with the extra weight). Unless she's the kind of woman who never initiated even before, in which case...therapy for her? Maybe? Because what you have right now is not an acceptable status quo nor a happy marriage.[/quote]

So, this kind of gets to the nub of it.   DW did initiate once...back when we first were dating. In fact, I wasn't even ready to jump to sex (3rd date) and was thinking to take things slowly.  Now she does nothing at all.  But she has expressed a couple of times how upset she is that I'm not initiating.

I absolutely lie in this case, and I don't feel even slightly bad about it.  I know she is very sensitive about her weight and saying something would really only be hitting her where I know she has a weak spot.  I just cannot imagine being hurtful that way.  And if she were even  sexually responsive person - never mind initiating - I'd be much happier.  I just feel like I'm living in a world of circular reasoning with an impossible task...and I've reacted so far by not playing: just waiting it out, but now the frequency of comments about cheating and lack of sex is steadily increasing.  It's leaking into trying to have conversations about making simple plans for what to do on a Saturday.  [/quote]

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