Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous]Can you guys talk about it laying all your cards on the table - or is it something she will get very upset about?

And no, OP, that is not what having children does to a marriage. We have two small children and have sex minimum 3x a week. In fact, I was chafing at the 6 week no sex prohibition and giving to/getting from DH various other forms of sexual gratification a couple of weeks after the births. What is different, however, is that you have to be more determined to fit it into a much busier schedule, so if it's something that's not a priority (whether because you naturally have a high drive or choose to make it a priority for a happier marriage), it falls by the wayside.

As to appearance - that's trickier. Neither DH nor I are as slim or good-looking as we were when we were younger. But we still find each other attractive. Honestly, I will always find DH attractive because I love him, and the way he treats me (including in bed) makes me want him no matter what he looks like. But the real problem in your case is not appearance, it's her reaction to it and your reaction to it.

Your wife is clearly insecure about her body though and your feelings about it bear her insecurity out, that's the real problem. This is where I recommend lying. Yes, telling her that you find her attractive, desirable blah blah blah until it helps her with her insecurity and turns her into a sex-initiating person (which you indicated you'd like even with the extra weight). Unless she's the kind of woman who never initiated even before, in which case...therapy for her? Maybe? Because what you have right now is not an acceptable status quo nor a happy marriage.[/quote]

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