Reply to Anyone else ever feel just, plain sad that they got divorced?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can understand someone married to an abuser, addict, dead bedroom, or total ass who is glad to get divorced and move on, but I fit none of these.  We started growing apart and realized that we see the world differently, communicate differently, have different parenting skills, and want different things out of life.  He is more career oriented, likes traveling a lot more, and would probably be perfectly happy living in an apartment and never having to deal with a house.

We met late 20s at a friend's event and I felt when we started talking that we already knew each other, if that makes any sense.  He can make someone feel special in a genuine way. I cannot say that we had every last interest in common but had fun and were supportive.

Almost 15 years into marriage, it started unraveling with little issues seeming to take a life of their own.  Yes, we tried counseling but didn't feel that it provided useful input.  After one argument almost two years ago he said that if we couldn't agree on anything we might as well split up and then hired a divorce lawyer. This is a situation I never expected myself to be in and through the process we have tried to be civil.  But it has been like a nightmare.  When we had to appear in court it was like I didn't even know him.  He avoided even looking my way.

My sense right now is more grief than anything else.  Maybe I still love him?   Might seem strange for a grown woman, but I fondly remember our first kiss, movie, when we met each other's parents and now that whole world is gone, like it never happened.  We are never going to open Christmas presents again, take a vacation, plan our kid's wedding together...

Friends and family tell me I will get over it, move on, but you cannot carve away knowing someone 17 years of your life as if it never happened.  What do you do?[/quote]

I firmly believe in moving on and have never obsessed on any ex. If there are kids involved get a court order that in no uncertain terms defines the visitation. Pick a neutral place for child exchanges with little conversation. Your ex can get info. from the school, doctor etc. If there are any schedule changes, child is sick then a simple text will suffice.  Some of my friends have done this with their ex. It made their next relationship much better with out a interfering ex spouse. Make the break and stick with it.  Fix yourself up, if you need to lose weight, new clothes, etc. now is the time..to feel more confidant.

Make new memories with someone else, get out meet people...find new hobbies. Your ex will probably find out it's not fun having to pay a lot of child support, insurance for the kids, medical bills and court costs for child modifications, etc. [/quote]

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