Reply to Husband unemployed and not applying for jobs. How to manage my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous]Things are very wrong if you cannot talk to your DH about this situation, if it "quickly becomes a fight" and so you avoid it entirely.

You and your DH need to be acting as a team. I think he sounds depressed and like he needs to see a psychiatrist.

I would say, " We need to be acting as a team here but we can't talk without fighting. Here is the name of a psychiatrist a friend recommended. I need you to go be screened for depression. This whole situation is very anxiety-provoking for both of us and this is something you can do that will reduce my anxiety substantially, because I am worried about the future and I need to know that you are not spiraling into a crippling depression. I think it would also help you a lot to have someone to talk to about your anxiety who is not me."

If he refuses to go, well, then that is a problem because that is a totally reasonable request.

You could say, "I think I am making a very reasonable request. I love you and trust you. At the same time, if I spent every day at home alone watching TV for months, I think you'd be worried about me and the future, too. I thought when we got married we'd be a team, but if I express any concerns to you you basically tell me if I don't like it I can leave. You know I don't think you are a bum and I don't want to leave. But you have to see that this is a worrying situation and I need you to do something to show you understand my concerns and are taking them seriously."

If you say crap to him like that and it goes no where, then his lack of a job is the least of your problems. [/quote]

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