Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?
If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.
I'll help get you started:
Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!
I was this poster 5 years ago. I had an XH who was unemployed because he quit a job (not because he was fired.) He did not look for a replacement job. He sat around at home. I tried this poster's advice: he turned into the SAHD and took over laundry. HOWEVER, here's what you need to know if your marriage fails.
1) Your DH will get custody or a greatly enhanced preference in the courts for custody.
2) If you have been married more than 5 years, you may owe him alimony for "giving up his career to devote himself to the kids."
3) You will be ordered to pay child support to your DH because he will have no income and most of the custodial time.
4) Your efforts to provide for the family will be misconstrued by the judge and court as "putting your career first."
If you doubt what I am writing, you should consult privately with a divorce attorney and/or read the book WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE.
So... proceed very carefully here. I wish I had insisted on sending kids to daycare (even though it would have been a financial hit) and documented his voluntary underemployed choices.
So, he would be entitled to exactly what a SAHM would be entitled to in a more conventional situation.
How unjust.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?
If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.
I'll help get you started:
Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!
I was this poster 5 years ago. I had an XH who was unemployed because he quit a job (not because he was fired.) He did not look for a replacement job. He sat around at home. I tried this poster's advice: he turned into the SAHD and took over laundry. HOWEVER, here's what you need to know if your marriage fails.
1) Your DH will get custody or a greatly enhanced preference in the courts for custody.
2) If you have been married more than 5 years, you may owe him alimony for "giving up his career to devote himself to the kids."
3) You will be ordered to pay child support to your DH because he will have no income and most of the custodial time.
4) Your efforts to provide for the family will be misconstrued by the judge and court as "putting your career first."
If you doubt what I am writing, you should consult privately with a divorce attorney and/or read the book WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE.
So... proceed very carefully here. I wish I had insisted on sending kids to daycare (even though it would have been a financial hit) and documented his voluntary underemployed choices.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?
If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.
I'll help get you started:
Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!
I was this poster 5 years ago. I had an XH who was unemployed because he quit a job (not because he was fired.) He did not look for a replacement job. He sat around at home. I tried this poster's advice: he turned into the SAHD and took over laundry. HOWEVER, here's what you need to know if your marriage fails.
1) Your DH will get custody or a greatly enhanced preference in the courts for custody.
2) If you have been married more than 5 years, you may owe him alimony for "giving up his career to devote himself to the kids."
3) You will be ordered to pay child support to your DH because he will have no income and most of the custodial time.
4) Your efforts to provide for the family will be misconstrued by the judge and court as "putting your career first."
If you doubt what I am writing, you should consult privately with a divorce attorney and/or read the book WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE.
So... proceed very carefully here. I wish I had insisted on sending kids to daycare (even though it would have been a financial hit) and documented his voluntary underemployed choices.
Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?
If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.
I'll help get you started:
Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!
Anonymous wrote:Argh! Do you have kids?
If he wants to be a SAHD, fine, draw up a list of responsibilities and hand them to him.
I'll help get you started:
Laundry
Dishes
Home cooked meal every week day
Yard work
Bills
House maintenance/home improvement
Christmas/Birthday/Holiday shopping and gift-buying
Bathrooms!!!
Anonymous wrote:I had really bad interview anxiety and it took me a year to find a job. It would have been worse if someone were hounding me to apply to jobs.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel anger/frustration because its been 4 months since my spouse lost his job yet he hasnt sent out a single resume. He says its because he has extreme anxiety around interviewing and doesnt want to apply to just any job. As far as I can tell he spends most of his time surfing or watching TV. We don't talk about it because it quickly becomes a fight with him saying if I think he's a bum I should just leave him.
How would you approach this situation?
Who is paying for the tv and internet? I'd cut both off and say I couldn't afford to keep them. He could use the public library for internet and the job search. If I am paying for all the Gracie's,<script id="gpt-impl-0.6617212845012546" src="http://partner.googleadservices.com/gpt/pubads_impl_79.js"></script> we'd be eating crappy hamburger helper until he got a job. This being unemployed thing needs to start to get a little uncomfortable. Switch to horrible cheap soap, cheap one ply toilet paper etc.
BINGO!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel anger/frustration because its been 4 months since my spouse lost his job yet he hasnt sent out a single resume. He says its because he has extreme anxiety around interviewing and doesnt want to apply to just any job. As far as I can tell he spends most of his time surfing or watching TV. We don't talk about it because it quickly becomes a fight with him saying if I think he's a bum I should just leave him.
How would you approach this situation?
Who is paying for the tv and internet? I'd cut both off and say I couldn't afford to keep them. He could use the public library for internet and the job search. If I am paying for all the Gracie's, we'd be eating crappy hamburger helper until he got a job. This being unemployed thing needs to start to get a little uncomfortable. Switch to horrible cheap soap, cheap one ply toilet paper etc.
Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel anger/frustration because its been 4 months since my spouse lost his job yet he hasnt sent out a single resume. He says its because he has extreme anxiety around interviewing and doesnt want to apply to just any job. As far as I can tell he spends most of his time surfing or watching TV. We don't talk about it because it quickly becomes a fight with him saying if I think he's a bum I should just leave him.
How would you approach this situation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My question is what career are these men in where they have been unemployed for 2-3 years? So there is no consulting work available? What about bettering their skills on Coursera to help make them more marketable?
I have been through this, twice. In my opinion, most employers want a degree of some sort, and of course, a specific degree depending on the job. However, I applied for jobs directly and also met with several temp agencies since they tend to have avenues that others do not.
To the person that added to this thread a few days ago, dump him. Think about this, if he won't job search, imagine having children with him. He will be just as lazy there. He is using you.
Anonymous wrote:My question is what career are these men in where they have been unemployed for 2-3 years? So there is no consulting work available? What about bettering their skills on Coursera to help make them more marketable?