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[quote=Anonymous][quote]If your DH nags you about holiday plans, just pick a date by which the decision will be made and tell him not to keep asking you. If he won't push back in his mother, the solution is not that he should keep nagging you. Offer to tell her that you won't really know until [x date].

The counselor suggested a "hard" date to make holiday decisions by, which we agreed on (a month before said holiday). Then, DH started asking me well before that date. [b]When I reminded him about the date we agreed on, he said that he didn't understand why we just couldn't make a decision then[/b]. It MIGHT be ok to decide about the holiday well in advance, but then we're expected to commit to a time, what we're bringing, etc. It's just never enough. Anyway, I'm generally just trying to keep up with what's going on in the next week or month, much less what's happening in four, five, or six months. I've hosted plenty of holidays and get that it's helpful and courteous to let people know if you're coming so the requisite plans can be made, but it's just hard for me to commit to plans with anyone that far in advance. People don't even need that much lead time when you RSVP to a wedding! I think is a good example of why I'm feeling so frustrated-many of the the logical solutions haven't worked so far.[/quote]

When he does this, you need to take it back to counseling.  The holiday isn't the issue, it's that your DH agreed to something in counseling and then backpedaled.  That backpedaling undermines the integrity of your relationship.  Sounds dramatic, I know, but it does.  It's too big of an issue for you to work out on your own so take it back to the counselor.  When my DH and I were having these sorts of problems, I'd just tell him that any changes to what we agreed upon had to be worked out in counseling - and that I needed to understand (with a neutral party) what lead him to change his mind about the agreement.

I hope the counselor is also helping you with language to use when you're nagged for a response.  You don't need to say "I'm sorry......"  but you need to use concise, neutral sentences.  "We'll make a decision by March 1 about Easter" and then repeat, repeat, repeat.  [/quote]

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