Reply to When Spouses Don't Handle Their Parents

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I get where you are coming from and why you are annoyed.  Sure there are worse in-laws, but that doesn't mean you should just suck it up and deal with your unpleasant situation.

To me, the biggest issue is the medical one.  I was diagnosed with UC at 17, and mostly only dealing with it as an adult I still find the much less onerous than Crohn's treatments annoying and difficult to deal with.  Undermining the lifetime of treatments your kids have ahead of them is terrible...and not okay.

But honestly, and since you've been in counseling you know this, you've got a DH problem and not an IL problem.  It's a little extreme maybe, but I would simply refuse to engage with them until DH steps up.  No visits, no trips, no holidays etc.  That might turn into a fight between you and DH, but honestly this situation is already a fight between you two...just one that's currently seething under the surface.  You say he gets what's going on in his head, but it doesn't sound like it...because if he does, then he also seems to be pretty comfortable having his wife be fairly unhappy, which is a different problem altogether.

And I'm super close to my grandparents.  If my ILs had tried to show up for a celebration while I was morning my grandfather, I would not have spoken to them (probably couldn't have).  That's terrible...what is wrong with your ILs?![/quote]

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