Reply to Elite privates and social dynamics for a fat mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you need your child's classmates' parents for a social life?  You seem like a pleasant thoughtful person. I'm sure you have lots of friends, neighbors, and colleagues to socialize with. It's hard enough for me to find time for the people in my life who I enjoy. Unless those other parents have an effect on your child's friendships and education, don't bother with them. [/quote]

+1. While I'm happy to make new friends through my kids schools, I barely have time to meaningfully connect with the friends I already have who I have genuine deep bond connections to. Since its not affecting your child's experience I wouldn't give it too much energy. I understand you being puzzled by it all, but [b]women are cliquish. Right or wrong we tend to flock towards those that we feel similarly connected to.[/b] So, as a moderately overweight AA woman who is not into wearing heels and the latest fashions everyday, I probably wouldn't naturally gravitate towards the skinny Chics in the lad rest fashions all dolled up. I wouldn't purposefully exclude them from anything I was doing but they wouldn't be the first women I reached out to either. I find that like minded people generally connect with minimal effort, and when I look at my group of friends we all tend to be similar is some way whether it's professionally or socially.

All of that is to say, the group you are meant to be a part of and truly connect with you will naturally gravitate towards and naturally be accepted. If that doesn't happen that just means the other moms at the school aren't your type of people, and that's OK. Like PP said you sound like a great person and I'm sure you have plentiful of meaning relationships in your life already. Cherish and focus on those.
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Sad, but all too true -- not just at schools, but in many settings -- even churches!  As a fit and stylish Yankee, but not a blonde and skinny Washington ubermom type, I've found 2 reliable ways to make friends when confronted by the cliquey thing:

1) volunteer for anything but the auction-- you'll  make lots of friends from different groups and the bonus is that they'll be the through-thick-and-thin types (sorry for the pun -- completely unintentional);

2) -- which can be combined with 1 above -- find the one "popular" (I can hear the song from "Wicked" in my head right now) and nice woman and make friends with her.  Once you have that seal of approval, the others will be friendly -- or friendly enough -- and you can actually enjoy how perplexed they are that you made it into the inner circle.   [/quote]

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