Anonymous wrote:Seriously, shrug it off. These are miserable people. Better "fat" and happy than like them.

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you are a very nice person and would be great company. But to be honest, my friends are a reflection of me. To befriend you would make me look bad. Sorry. Just being honest.

Big 3 Mom

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you are a very nice person and would be great company. But to be honest, my friends are a reflection of me. To befriend you would make me look bad. Sorry. Just being honest.

Big 3 Mom

Anonymous wrote:Seriously?
So it's not the fact that you have started at a new school where everyone else has been going for years and knows each other and has made friendships while you were at multiple other schools, but it's those darn moms who refuse to wear ballet flats for drop off that are so mean.

Come on people! These threads are getting so old.

Anonymous wrote:As a big three graduate, the fact that these situations exist is a huge reason we are going public. I genuinely don't believe the quality of the education is that much better and I don't want to put my children or my family in this kind of environment. And I'm actually pretty trendy and not overweight. It's just disgusting.

Anonymous wrote:I'm fat. I do a lot of volunteer work. I have mom friends at school. Not super-close mom friends, but ones I enjoy chatting with at school functions or playdates. I think volunteering does help a lot. I'm an introvert and don't generally reach out, so volunteering makes me get out there and actually talk to people. I find there are cliques, but they are mostly because that's who the parents met first and who they feel comfortable with. Not necessarily because they are trying to exclude others.

And I also find a big variety in personalities, from the Maine, New Englander type mom who doesn't care about uber fashion like you are talking about, to the corporate lawyer who works all the time and is always in a suit, to the outdoor hiker mom, to the generic suburban mom. I think once you can break into a group and chat, you'll find a lot of difference, and that helps you find someone to click with.

Anonymous wrote:It's probably because they feel you have little in common and don't want to invest their time on new friendships. It is uncool, however, for them to be unfriendly and intentionally exclude you. The lifestyle and mentality of a lean healthy person is very different than an overweight person, in general. I see this firsthand when my overweight family members visit our ski vacation home, and it trickles down to the kids. Every detail of our day is affected from how we eat to what we do during the day. Having said that, this is not a private school issue, rather a cultural issue. I'm guessing you're a kind and smart person, in which case it'll just take a little more time for people to see what's underneath an want to have you as their friend.

Anonymous wrote:Fuck them. You sound like a nice down to earth person. If they can't look beyond the surface, they are not worth knowing. They sound like silly shallow sorority girls who never grew up (trust me, I have many "friends" like this and they are not worth your time).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need your child's classmates' parents for a social life? You seem like a pleasant thoughtful person. I'm sure you have lots of friends, neighbors, and colleagues to socialize with. It's hard enough for me to find time for the people in my life who I enjoy. Unless those other parents have an effect on your child's friendships and education, don't bother with them.

+1. While I'm happy to make new friends through my kids schools, I barely have time to meaningfully connect with the friends I already have who I have genuine deep bond connections to. Since its not affecting your child's experience I wouldn't give it too much energy. I understand you being puzzled by it all, but women are cliquish. Right or wrong we tend to flock towards those that we feel similarly connected to. So, as a moderately overweight AA woman who is not into wearing heels and the latest fashions everyday, I probably wouldn't naturally gravitate towards the skinny Chics in the lad rest fashions all dolled up. I wouldn't purposefully exclude them from anything I was doing but they wouldn't be the first women I reached out to either. I find that like minded people generally connect with minimal effort, and when I look at my group of friends we all tend to be similar is some way whether it's professionally or socially.

All of that is to say, the group you are meant to be a part of and truly connect with you will naturally gravitate towards and naturally be accepted. If that doesn't happen that just means the other moms at the school aren't your type of people, and that's OK. Like PP said you sound like a great person and I'm sure you have plentiful of meaning relationships in your life already. Cherish and focus on those.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one of my kids started at a new school this year. We've had kids at other privates, and the communities have been different but generally friendly.

This school is different in another way. Moms who are at home with their kids wear high heels, full make-up, and designer clothes to drop off their children. Not that there's anything wrong with any of these things, but the prevalence of moms like this is new in my experience.

The other thing about this school is that it's been very hard to break the ice and get to know other moms. Even my DH, who is usually oblivious, commented that people seem rather cliquish. Our repeated overtures for play dates and get-togethers have been rebuffed. We are down-to-earth people who generally don't care much about material things. We're not wealthy, but we're comfortable and paying private school tuition is not a challenge. We're both outgoing and have lots of friends from other contexts.

This may sound like a dumb question, but it is a genuine one. I'm wondering if some of the social ostracism has to do with the fact that I'm fat and not very trendy? While I'm not slovenly, I'm not the kind of do drop-off in heels. I'm also about 60 lbs overweight. Could it be real that in this particular elite school, someone's weight and the clothes she wears could be a factor in forming friendships? I haven't experienced this since high school, and it kind of blows my mind. What made me begin to wonder about this is that the only mom who has been open and friendly is also overweight. I noticed that she is also not "included" by the other moms.

Has anyone else experienced this?

If you were in an environment where people were judged on the size of their bodies, rather than the content of their character, would you stay if your child was happy? DC has had a great experience inside the classroom, loves the teachers, and is very happy there.

I have obviously never seen you, so let me say this: regardless of your body, the content of your character sounds very entitled, arrogant and a bit bitchy

NP here. PP, could you cite examples? I'm not seeing this.

I kind of agree with PP. OP is very judgmental about the other moms and implies that she's better than them because she doesn't get dressed up for pick up and doesn't care about material things. A very holier than thou attitude that I would find a turn off. She assumes the worst of them when (as a former fat person) I bet a lot of it is in her head.