Reply to DH resents me being SAH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Things were a lot easier once I went back to work.  Like you, I was a SAHM by default.  I didn't really enjoy it.  I loved being home with DS but I HATE having to feel like I'm in charge of the household.  Plus, I was depressed at not being able to work, hated feeling dependent on DH (even though he never made me feel that way) and knew I would be happier if I worked.

Then there was DH.  Everything rode on his shoulders.  If he lost his job, we could wind up in trouble.  If he was stressed out at his job, too bad he had to suck it up because he was the breadwinner.  I sometimes don't think people realize how stressful it is knowing your family's financial safety and security is completely on your shoulders.

Anyways, DH never said anything about the house not being clean and he certainly tried to do his fair share but the reality is that when you stay at home, the bulk of it is on your shoulders.  Now would DH leave his dishes for me to pick up?  No.  But would he be irritated then there were crumbs all over the floor that brought ants in because I hadn't swept in days?  Yes, and I completely get it.

When DS was 2.5 I went back to work part-time.  It made splitting the duties SO much easier.

I don't know the answer OP.  Perhaps your DH is just being  a jerk.  But perhaps you aren't really seeing his side of things too. [/quote]

+1  One of the reasons that I work is because of how stressed my husband was as the thought of being the sole breadwinner.  Having both of us work creates a cushion and makes both of us less stressed about money and being able to provide for our kids.  I suspect that OP's husband is feeling that way, like he is stressed at work and the stress is compounded by the pressure that he feels and about how risky taking another job feels.  [/quote]

You have no clue whether OP's husband feels that way. [b]My husband works a high-stress job that sometimes gets the better of him, but being the sole breadwinner isn't a part of that stress. We had a very frank discussion about it recently (he was struggling with some other stress, and I wanted to see if me going back to work would make it easier), and he said having me as a SAHP actually decreases his stress level. [/b]He said he wouldn't know how to work with less intensity than he does now, it's just not his personality, but both of us working would force him too (splitting things like who leaves work early to get the kids) and would make things more stressful for him.[/quote]

Working husband here, my DW stays at home and I totally agree.  Being the sole breadwinner isn't the stressful part and having her home makes work less stressful so I don't have to worry about domestic things.[/quote]

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