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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm SAH by default because we moved right after DS (1yr) was born, and I haven't found a job.  We have a very low cost of living now, and few expenses. I also stockpiled a lot of cash before leavin my job, so we have decent savings for future expenses (bigger house etc) down the line when I start working again. So this isn't about money/financial pressure. DH has a stressful job, and a lot of responsibility gets piled onto him. But he's had this job for many years- it's not like he had to step up because he got married and had a baby. He would still have this job if he were single.  Anyway, he's starting to resent me-he makes offhand comments about how he hates going to work and he's jealous of me.  Lately, he's doing zero housework.  He doesn't even bus his own plate after dinner. If I don't pick it up, it will sit there for eternity. The one delineated chore he's supposed to do is trash, but he hasn't done it in weeks.  I don't want a fight, but this is becoming really irritating, and I feel like a chore mule.  I feel like because of his resentment, if I say something, he's going to be a jerk about it and we'll get in a fight. Any advice or btdt?[/quote]

Sounds like he is burned out.  It's hard for us to have another person's perspective.  He comes home from a stressful day and just wants to chill and not do any housework.  You have a stressful day doing housework and taking care of DS and don't want more things to do when he comes home and that should be your time off.

DH and I had this argument when I stayed at home because I was annoyed he would come home and want to relax a little when I wanted him to be immediately on duty and give me a break.  I said something along the lines of he gets to escape to work every day whereas I'm doing the same thing ALL day.  His response was to ask me if I thought going to work meant he got to relax all day.  And he was right.  We both were not seeing each other's perspectives.  So we worked out a system.  DH gets home and has 20 min in his office to decompress.  Then he comes downstairs, phone goes away,and he's engaged.  It has worked out really well.  DS is now 3 and I am working again, albeit the overnight shift.  We have developed a new system that works for us.  I don't think you necessarily have to fight over this.  I do think you need to sit down with him in talk.  YOu need to really listen to him without getting mad, and he needs to listen to you. [/quote]

Also, he may be feeling really stressed out about being the sole provider, and feeling trapped in his job because of that.

Also, both of you need to be stubborn over something as a matter of principle.  If it really makes sense for you to do the bulk of the housework, then don't refuse to do it just because it doesn't seem fair.  Both of you need time to decompress, and both of you need to help around the house.  [/quote]

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