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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree I need some compromise. 
In one of my post, I said the reason why I want to see my family. I just repeat it here for some of you didn't read all my post. 
I see in-law parents way more than I see my family. My MIL comes to my house every Friday night. We see FIL almost every month ( they are divorced). If I count, it would 64 times we see ILs a year comparing to 6 times seeing my own family.
We never host any party with my family because my house is too small for 9 adults and 3 kids. Pretty much my house is just big enough for everyone to sit let alone a big table to have dinner on. 
I think I have done enough for DH's family that it is fair for me to complain about his complains.

OP[/quote]

Is your family coming in from out of state?   I still don't see any reason why you can't control the planning.  Why does it have to be how ever many relatives all at once finding the perfect date and time to all be changed when it doesn't work.  Why can't you have scheduled plans with your parents or your siblings to come over for dinner at your house? What about the summer months when people can eat outside, can you guys throw a bbq when people can get there different times and that's okay and you have people outside with hopefully more space.

As far as DH's family, it's hard to say if you can compare the situations.  DH's complaint is that your family isn't respectful of your time and yet you are expected  to accept that and jump to their command.  You have only pointed out the DH's family schedules things and presumably wants to see you guys enough that they do so on a fixed schedule like once a week or once a month and doesn't require it to be all the relatives for them to see you.  While I can see how the argument can be made that you put in a lot of effort to host his family that he can deal with the frustrations of yours it isn't a fair comparison of behavior.  If DH's parents were flaky with plans or you invited your relatives (smaller groupings) on a regular schedule and DH complained about them always being around then I would say you every right to say wtf.

Bottom line, would DH prefer to have your family over your house more in smaller pairings with you guys hosting or prefer to wait for the relatives to make big group plans that change like the wind?  If he prefers the big gatherings and not being the host/planning small gathering what is the number of flaky plans he can deal with without complaining?  You are right that your relatives aren't going to change and DH isn't going to change but you have to come up with a solution that allows you to see your relatives a decent amount yet lets your DH feel like he has control of his own schedule.  I have a relative that when we came in town and try to find a good time to see them, not only was vague but last minute said they could only see us first thing in the morning and the visit lasted for 30 minutes (with the new baby/our nephew/children's cousin).  Oh and let me add the other side of the family had spent hours with the baby. I think the first time I went along with it. The next time I let DH go with the kids and slept in. I did not like the feeling of being dictated to.  It's the feeling of being told to do something versus asked.  DH is willing to do so for his sibling but he realizes it isn't fair to ask me to do so every time.  The thing is now I am actually relaxed and not bothered when I do deal with this relative I think because of all the times I haven't had to deal with it.[/quote]

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