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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure what you mean by difficult childhood, i had parents that were emotionally absent. I don't actually remember my father giving me even a hug. They are damaged, clueless people but i still feel some compassion for them. [b]Financially, i have not seen a dime from them since high school, not a dime for college or a loan for grad school. They never considered stretching or jeopardizing their financial health for my sake.[/b] The time has not come, but i know when it does my brother and SIL will not step to the plate, and i am contemplating what would i be willling to do? I have made peace with their bad parenting, but their stinginess no, can't get over it. So i have no answer for you OP, but there are many of debating what do we really owe our parents? Even bad parents have cared for us in some capacity.[/quote]
This dynamic is puzzling to me. When people expect the world from their parents (in the material sense), no one on DCUM bats an eye. It is the norm. When it comes to supporting elderly parents in return, it is suddenly selfish of the parents to even hope for attention from their children. [/quote]

Me, too.  Since when is it an expectation of parents that they "stretch or jeopardize their financial health" for the sake of adult children?  Their job is to raise you to be a functioning, independent adult.  Their job is not to jeopardize their own financial security in order to pay for grad school.

For the record, my parents didn't pay for my college or grad school, either, 
I understand that some parents choose to lavishly give money to their adult children, and even support adult children in perpetutity, but I am flabbergasted that some DCUM folks think that if they don't, this makes them bad parents.  Their financial except $4,000 in 10 monthy installments my freshman year, which was a huge sacrifice for them.  Other years they didn't feel able to do it, and I made do by working more and taking out more loans.  I would never in my life consider asking them for money for grad school - I was an adult.  
obligation ceases when you become an ADULT.[/quote]

I am the OR of that post. I was awarded a full scholarship for grad school but no funds for living expenses. I took out high interest credit cards to supplement. It was stressful at the time. I asked my parents if they would be willing to give me an interest free loan. They had several hundred thousand dollars in bank but declined my request. I won't go into the details of what their rationale was, I will just say that money was not earmarked for anything and stayed in bank collecting interest. I made a note of their stinginess (at least in my eyes) and moved on. Plenty of similar situations with them and I still maintain a good relationship. They don't owe me anything as an adult, but the question is what do I owe them as adults? [/quote]

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