Reply to People with spouses who have cheated (and then you stuck together)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anyway, I'm quoting this above because her mantra "remember, you can't count on him" and her attitude, knowing that she can do it on my own, developing her own strength, standing on her own without her husband. , is exactly one that I've also taken. I'm trying to take back my power. I wonder if this isn't the wrong attitude to take as the cheater, I should probably be asking what I need from him, what I need to give him, rather than fostering greater independence. [/quote]

Of course you need to ask what you need from him... you can't expect him to know what you want without you telling him. You have to communicate your needs to him (which are different than wants).

I think the goal is Interdependence, not independence, not codependency. You need to create/foster your relationship so that you work to help each other be better people. (Google Interdependence vs codependency)

He does need to work to be a better husband, everybody does, nobody ever actually reaches the top of that mountain.

But you cut open the marriage, there is a gaping wound now.... triage requires that wound to be stitched first and foremost (not totally healed but at least stitched and on it's way to being healed), then you can fix the warts. [/quote]

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