Reply to People with spouses who have cheated (and then you stuck together)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread is pretty depressing.  My husband had an affair that ended back in the summer and I am trying to work on things and stay together because we have little kids and I feel like he and the kids are my family.  We have been together 20 years.  I don't know if we are going to make it because [b]he just seems completely unable to realize that he is at fault for at least 50% of our problems before the affair, and he just seems to want to dwell on my perceived shortcomings.[/b]  It's insane, and I think he really feels justified in having the affair though he cries and says he is remorseful and ashamed.  I don't want a divorce or to split custody, etc., but I don't think I can live forever in this world of his where all that needs to happen is for me to be more nurturing (long story, but I can be emotionally distant at times - coping mechanism I learned growing up in a completely batshit family).  Luckily, I make enough money to be okay, though not flush, if we part ways.

I want to believe there can be a happy ending.  I hope there are some posters who can provide hope.[/quote]

I found it curious that [i]his[/i] 50% are there for sure, while [i]your[/i] shortcomings are perceived. (By him, I presume.)[/quote]

I'm the quoted PP.  I take full responsibility for my part in our marital problems.  As I mentioned, I can be emotionally distant.  I also had severe PPD and basically broke down, and believed the world would be better off without me.  I thus went through a period where I was not available emotionally and I am sure he must have felt very lonely.  I pulled myself out of that and am working hard with a therapist to be the best person I can be, including mother and wife.  I have spent countless hours crying about how I missed opportunities to demonstrate love and I have sincerely apologized to my husband.  But he won't acknowledge his contributions- which include complete lack of support when I was going through PPD, and very irresponsible behavior on many financial fronts. We both contributed to our marital issues, so we BOTH need to do the work.  But I don't think he really believes that.[/quote]

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