Reply to has anyone ever seen a narcissist change or is that a fool's wish?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]15:19 here.

to 23:29, I would agree that having a primary caregiver (regardless of the sex, just whoever has that responsibility, which I agree largely has fallen on mothers in the past) is extra awful

to 10:35, you are so spot on. I'm comforted with my delusions of control, which has allowed me to cope with my own mistreatment (because if I have control, I could do something different in the future to prevent the mistreatment, I just need to figure out how to get the abuser to stop). I can't quite accept that I can't fix my mom's narcissism. It's so so so hard to accept.[/quote]

It is hard to accept. Have you ever read The Narcissistic Family? That was such a revelation to me. One of the findings in the book is that the first thing children of the N family do, is take their new knowledge back to the family and try to fix it, using new knowledge. You do it. I did it. It is natural. Take it from me, it does not work, but it is natural to take that new knowledge and try to fight smart to fix the problem we have for many years been devoted to fixing.

But you cannot interfer with other people's free will. My N Dad never changed. He was incapable of it. I moved mountains, but that was all beside the point. Save yourself. You are meant to live your own life, not sacrifice your life for the N.[/quote]

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