Reply to In Laws invite DH's ex wife and child on holidays we don't have the child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH gets alternating holidays with his daughter.  The other holidays we spend with my family.  For the past few years, in laws have invited DH's ex wife, who he does not have a good relationship with, and daughter to the holidays that we are with my family.  They don't mention they are doing it in advance, don't discuss with DH, we just end up seeing photos of everyone all together on facebook.  I understand that they want to spend time with their grandchild, but shouldn't the ex be spending time with her side of the family on those holidays (they are local too)?  A quick visit is ok, but to family thanksgiving? And without us?  DH is furious because he has asked his mom in the past not to do this and he thinks it is disrespectful to the two of us.  On the holidays when we do have his dd , they don't invite the ex, or at least haven't up to now, but I can't help but feel slighted in this situation.  MIL doesn't seem to respect DH's wishes.  I know children should come first, but this dynamic is very uncomfortable.[/quote]

Doing the math from your other post it seems the child from your husband's first marriage is in elementary school and primarily lives with her mother.   This child is young [therefore mom goes to dinner too] and is family.  You said they were married for 1 year after the birth but for how long was she part of their lives?   Your OP had this child at your husband's parents for all Thanksgivings - either with the father [your DH] or the mother.

The ex's parents may be local but that doesn't mean they are local for Thanksgiving [ie have other kids and go there] or that the ex and/or the child don't do 2 dinners/visits as is common for families that divorce.  ie one of my DC's almost went to 3 dinners [ours plus a partner/SO has divorced parents].  The ex wife doesn't live in CA and isn't dead or disabled living in a nursing home so deal with her being alive.[/quote]

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