Reply to Husband called me fat

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband called me fat"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm fat, and I say that as a neutral descriptor.  I'm not denigrating myself.  I carry a lot of adipose tissue.  So I'm fat.  I could hear my husband saying, "My wife is fat, and I love her a lot" and it wouldn't be in the slightest bit hurtful because it is true and he's not insulting me or denigrating me.

So, you are fat, and your husband called you fat.  The question is, did he say it in a hurtful way?  Did he say it to be mean?  Was his tone derisive?  What was the context?

There's nothing inherently wrong with being called fat, but there is something wrong with a person being intentionally mean - what actually happened?[/quote]

I am a DH, and my DW is fat and it is weight she gained during pregnancy which she hasn't been able to lose.  She was pudgy or "curvy" before and then packed on a good bit and hasn't lost any.

She regularly complains she's fat, and I regularly tell her she's not really and it's fine and she will eventually lose the weight.  It is a lie, and I think we both know it, but saying anything else would be deemed hurtful, I think.   I'm bummed, but I don't see a way out of this corner...I just hope it gets better.[/quote]

I'm in your same position, except I'm the wife. I'm also not particularly bummed, in that my DH's weight doesn't make me want him any less or affect our sex life. I am only really concerned about it in so far as it's an actual health issue and it affects his self esteem.[b] We both know that when he says, "I'm so fat" what he's really looking for is reassurance that I still love him [/b]even with the extra 25 pounds. We both know that we gained a bunch of weight a few years ago and haven't been able to lose 100% of it. We also both know that I'm motivated to lose by exercising portion control and going to the gym and he's just not motivated like that.

If he asks for constructive criticism or advice, I'm happy to provide it in a clinical, non-judgmental way. If what he wants is reassurance that I love him and am attracted to him, I'm happy to provide that as well. If his weight started affecting my attraction to him, I would discuss that with him in a non-judgmental way. If his weight started affecting my love for him, I would see a therapist for myself, because that's fucked up.[/quote]

NP here.  The reassurance is exactly what people are looking for.

To the DH with the overweight wife, have you ever asked your wife, after she complains about her weight, if there's anything you could do to make it easier for her?  If my dh said that to me, I'd take him up on it in a second - I'd love to be able to take a walk or jump on the treadmill while he handles some evening kid duties, or have him do the morning routine, etc., etc.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics