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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in your same position, except I'm the wife. I'm also not particularly bummed, in that my DH's weight doesn't make me want him any less or affect our sex life.
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Well, that's very nice for you.  Unfortunately, I am not attracted to her any longer.   The fat is just too much.  I wish it didn't make any difference to me.  I do still love her, very much, but I am not attracted.

[quote=Anonymous]If his weight started affecting my attraction to him, I would discuss that with him in a non-judgmental way.[/quote]

How would you go about that?  I would really be interested in getting some good ideas for bringing this up in a way which is not "judgmental" or mean. I can't for the life of me figure out how to tell someone "I'm not attracted to you anymore" not coming off like a kind of hurtful rejection.

[quote=Anonymous]If his weight started affecting my love for him, I would see a therapist for myself, because that's fucked up.[/quote]

Oh, no, not judgemental at all![/quote]

I never said anything about being non-judgmental with YOU. I can understand weight issues being detrimental to attraction, but to love? Seriously? You love your wife less because she's fat? That seems very shallow and cold to me and is not a feeling I relate to on any level.

As for your constructive question, about how to discuss, what I have seen suggested is not focusing on your lack of attraction, but on the increased attraction that would result from her being in shape. "I think it's so sexy when you're fit and strong" for example. If weight is physically impacting someone's sex life (like, one partner too fat to be on top, or one partner getting exhausted and out of breath from basic sexual activity), I would mention that I was very concerned that weight gain had impacted our sex life and offer to help with an exercise program so that we can get back to being frisky.[/quote]

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