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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would focus back in on what seems to be a medical issue for him, his ADD. Is he seeing a doctor or therapist regarding these issues, has he tried medication, or other organizing short cuts. Does he realize how frustrated you really are? Can he get his sh&t together for work? And lastly, is he getting worse or has he always been this way.

You need to figure out what you can do to help your DH. [/quote]

I agree with this. Your DH has issues above and beyond the normal DH. It doesn't sound like he is even capable of handling things, regardless of his intent. What is his ADHD status? Is he getting help? How can you help him get the help he needs?[/quote]

+1.  How is he even holding down a job?[/quote]

poorly. This is part of my consideration regarding a separation. I work, but essentially we are somewhat dependent on his family for lack of income on his part. Its really messy. We definitely need professional help, but he is extremely arrogant about admitting this to anyone and refuses to go to counseling for this. I think I will try to find someone who specializes in ADHD but not make a big deal about that angle of their practice. We had our last blow up about this in early summer. [/quote]

I'm glad you're being realistic about what divorce would really be like.

[b]My mom left my dad because he's an irresponsible pain in the ass.  I get it, but I do feel like she dumped him on me without any regard to what it would be like for me long-term.  I've been his next of kin since age 18, and I have to do his taxes every year, and manage all the medical stuff, and basically deal with everything on my own.  It really sucks and it's getting worse-- I'll probably end up supporting him for a few decades when he runs out of money.  Thanks, Mom![[/b]/quote]

How in the world is this your mother's fault?  You don't have to fix everything for your Dad.[/quote]

If I didn't, he would be homeless, in tax trouble, and possibly dead for failure to manage his health.  I think my mother was justified in divorcing him, but let's be real: it only solved the problem for her, not for me.  My father truly loves me and I'm not willing to walk away from him like she did.  I'm not telling OP not to divorce, but she should be real about what this means for her children in the long term.[/quote]
Long term, it means her children have to decide what  they are willing and not willing to do for another grown ass person who will not do for themselves. 
Your mom did the best thing for you, she freed herself from a destructive relationship with a user. You need to set some boundaries or stop complaining because your mom did just that. Enabling those you love is not loving them, it's an excuse to keep them close and mired in their own dysfunction.[/quote]

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